Children are innocent creatures and demand a lot of care and attention from parents. Parenting, over the years, has gone a major transformation. In today’s era, both the parents are working and so the institution of parenting is going through turbulent times. The pressure to meet deadlines at work affects your relationship with the child. A few derogatory sentences made from your side can go a long way in ruining your relationship with him. Here is a list of 10 ways following which a parent can break their child’s heart.
Constant comparison to sibling
Did your elder son ace his Maths test? Is he exceptionally good at English? Your elder son might be the apple of your eye but that does not mean that the younger one needs to imbibe the same qualities in order to win your heart. Comparing your child to another sibling and demeaning him for not being like him is a trait of bad parenting. It not only breaks his heart but also makes him feel unwanted by his own parents. He starts doubting his own capabilities. It is better to identify unique qualities that your child has been bestowed with and appreciate him for that.
Telling everyone about his failures can break his heart
You might have a huge circle of friends who are in a habit of sharing their parenting tales to one another. But broadcasting your child’s failures in front of everyone is a bad sign of parenting. His failures are not meant to be told to everyone. Parents often forget the fact that failures are the stepping stones to success, and so failures at a nascent stage are acceptable. On the other hand, teach your kid the importance of failures and encourage him to succeed next time by trying his level best.
You might be a very good orator during your college days and might have secured a lot of prizes for delivering lectures but the same quality of yours might not work well for your child. Children are curious creatures and want discussions to be held. They are inquisitive by nature and want proper answers for every question of theirs. Your constant lecturing can take him away from you. Try to be act like a friend and not like his boss. There are issues that need to be discussed properly. If not done accordingly, the chances that your child stops confiding in you altogether are very high. He might go to the extent of asking those questions from someone you would not approve of.
The blame game
Are you one of those parents who blame your child for every wrong thing that happens to you? Do you get angry at him for trivial reasons and think that every wrong thing happens because of him? Blaming your child for everything will lower down his self-esteem. You must understand that your child is young, inexperienced and does not understand the nuances of your high work pressure environment.
Expecting too much from your child
Refrain from committing the blunder of burdening your child with unrealistic expectations. It is absolutely fine if your child doesn’t score a perfect score in his exams. No one is perfect. Every child has a varying speed of learning which must be taken care of. Not everyone wishes to be a doctor or engineer in his life. It is a parent’s responsibility to encourage a child to succeed in life but by understanding his unique capabilities, interests and speed.
Not spending enough time with him
You might be a workaholic but that does not mean that you ignore your child. Emotional support from the parents during a child’s formative years plays a pivotal role in turning him into an emotionally stronger person. By not spending quality time with your kids, you are deteriorating your relationship with him. He is too young to understand your deadlines, targets and the lure you have for earning money. He wants you to pamper him and take him out on weekends. Make it a point to spend some quality time with him or get ready to face a brat.
Teasing him with strange names
Is your child dark-complexioned? Does he wear spectacles? Your child might have developed certain insecurities about himself because of his physical features. They can get worse if you refer to him by odd names that make him uncomfortable. Your job is to make your child comfortable in his skin. Encourage him to work on his life-skills. Ask him to work on his personality. Teach him that physical features do not matter in the long run. Help him imbibe integrity, honesty and determination that will stay along with him for lifetime. Poking fun at him will affect his self-confidence in unimaginable ways. He will start assuming that there is something seriously wrong with him.
I will send you to a boarding school
Who hasn’t heard this warning during their childhood days? Parents use this “phrase” to warn their kids in order to bring them back on track. A vulnerable and emotional child can take this threat too seriously which can force him to think that he is unwanted. The fear of separation from parents can cripple him completely. Cases of children going into a shell at the very thought of leaving their parents and going to a boarding school are very common. Some even slip into depression or develop psychological scars that become an intrinsic part of their personality as they take such things to their heart which shatters them from within.
Calling him a burden
Does your child create a lot of mess around the house? Do not admonish him every time he does something mischievous. He is young and his playful attitude is acceptable. Calling him a burden by reiterating his mistakes will do more harm than good. Avoid attacking the positive self-image he has created for himself. He is vying for your attention. Give him that attention but only when he does something commendable. Appreciate his strengths and give him opportunities to work on his weaknesses. Figure out what makes him happy. You are the best person to deal with him.
Presenting yourself as perfect
This is the favorite weapon that parents use to humiliate their child. Presenting themselves as perfect in front of the child and giving them a model to emulate does a lot of harm to their child. The truth is that no one is perfect and expecting your child to be one is sheer ignorance. Instead of portraying yourself as perfect, tell him about your weaknesses. The child will relate to you in a better way. Make him feel comfortable with his likes and dislikes. Treat him like a unique personality and you will be amazed by the positive results he shows.
If you want harmony to prevail at your place, flinch away from breaking your child’s heart. Become a parent your child would like to idolize. The world is a very harsh place to live in and you wouldn’t want your child to experience that brutality from your side too. Your efforts will go a long way in making his formative years enjoyable by keeping him emotionally secure.
Charvi Kathuria is an aspiring Freelance Writer. These days, she is scrutinising everything and anything that comes her way. Reading has become her favourite past time. She calls this hobby of hers, "food for brain".