Beware of, recognize, and rebel against those ridiculous norms backed by patriarchy that come in the blameless disguise of traditional customs and rules that have been practiced over the years by our elders. It’s time for a renewal and restitution to substitute the norms that now stand void, with those that are more sound and should be incumbent for the present and our future generations.
The world is transforming and so should the norms that define the civilian’s existence in this world. If you can’t focus on and add to the changes taking place in the world, then at least try to contribute to the changes in your own country, or even your city, for that matter.
Let not patriarchy thrive in customs that carry sentimental values to our elders and the older generation. Put your views forward to the public out there, stating the problematic implications of such customs, either vocally or in writing through any mode of protestation.
Awaken the spirit of reformation and transformation in people who have either been subject to or have been ever against these regularly practiced norms of society, in support of patriarchal agendas.
Break free and question the ways of living that disgust you. Here are 4 such repulsive exercises that are much widespread in today’s world, to help you start your revolt with something concrete in mind!
IT IS NORMAL FOR A WOMAN AND NOT FOR A MAN TO LEAVE THEIR PARENTS’ HOUSE AFTER MARRIAGE
Society has always supported the departure of women from their families after marriage, then why is it abnormal for a man to leave his parents after marriage?
They say it has been the norm for ages down the line, when women would be shifting from their parents’ house to live with her husband to her husband’s house. She not only had to live with her husband’s parents but she also had to adjust her ways and her lifestyle in accordance to the lifestyle of her in laws.
What I fail to understand is that why does a woman always have to adjust in order to fit in? Why can’t a man and woman both adopt certain lifestyle practices from each other and exist in mutual understanding, with compromise being effective on both sides. It becomes very difficult for an adult individual to get accustomed to the lifestyle practices of another household when they have been brought up differently, internalising the ways of life of her own home. How can then a woman be expected to adjust in full force? It is practically impossible.
Earlier on, older men used to marry girls way younger to them, so that they wouldn’t get habituated with the ways of life of their parents but instead would go to her husband’s house and be brought up by her in laws, so that it was easy for her to internalise their ways of life. But evidently that practice does not apply to this generation and hence patriarchy should not be allowed to flourish in the practice of this ridiculous norm. I feel that a married couple must live separately without any interference from either of the set of parents, while fulfilling their duties of tending to their parents as and when required.
TAKING CARE OF THE PARENTS IS THE DUTY OF EVERY CHILD BUT NOT IRRESPECTIVE OF GENDER
It is funny how a self dependent who earns her own living, after marriage, is not only expected to shift from her parents’ house to her in law’s house but also expected to not visit her parents frequently or even provide for them financially, because that way she will be neglecting and doing injustice to her duties as a daughter-in-law, who should be rather loyal to only her husband and his family because apparently as emphasised upon by patriarchy, her husband’s home becomes her home and her parents become alien to her. She must learn to now treat them as an outsider and maintain a formal and cordial relationship with them.
Financial support from the daughter to the parents are viewed as a treacherous crime by the patriarchal society, because according to patriarchy, the woman ceases to remain loyal to her husband and her in laws provided she doles out her hard earned income to her parents.
ONE MUST IMMEDIATELY ADOPT ANOTHER FAMILY AS ONE’S OWN ABANDONING ONE’S PARENTS
How can one even be expected to abandon her maiden home for a newly acquired family? On what basis is she expected to make a sacrifice of this sort? To see her commitment and loyalty towards her newly acquired home, the residents of the home bring out a very dishevelled picture of themselves. It reveals their insecurities and selfishness outright, patriarchy expressing itself in its best possible way.
“You need to transform to a Muslim in order to marry our son and we won’t have you if you maintain any ties with your family henceforth.”
“We have a certain respect to maintain in the society and can’t allow our son’s wife to mingle with such low class/poor/excessively outgoing friends/sibling/parents of hers”
– Yes these are the kinds of things that a woman has been told, over and over again, as though she is being done a favour when considered as marriageable or when she makes the mistake of falling in love with a man belonging to a different religion, cast and the like.
It is utterly painful to hear of such practices still being prevalent in the society and it brings me shame to admit that I belong from a country, the people of which in fact support patriarchy to an extent as major as this.
WE MUST STILL FOLLOW SOCIETAL NORMS THAT OUR GREAT GRANDPARENTS WERE FORCED TO
A woman even today refers to her maiden home as ‘Baap-er bari’ or ‘Papa ka ghar’ (Father’s house). I have rarely heard a woman referring to her house as her mother’s home, unless she was brought up by a single parent. More often than not her house is referred to as her father’s house. These are a few typical customs that have been practiced for generations down the line. However nobody really questions it. How come?
Whether we talk in terms in today’s generation or the generations of yester years, your parents’ house belongs as much to your mother as it belongs to your father. It doesn’t really matter as to whether she may have been a housewife or a working woman, she has had put enough effort into building a home out of that house.
It’s time we shun patriarchy and its practice which are being felt and prevalent today, throughout the country in disguise of such socially accepted norms that are followed in the name of traditional customs that are said to be coming down from our previous generations. Oh, how much it satisfies the ego of the patriarchal society that rejoices slyly in the subtle and clever expressions of its felony. Without being too on-the-face it still manages to hit you hard when the time is right for it to make itself felt.
Have you or any of your close ones been subject to such ghastly practices of patriarchy that propagates itself through other similarly ridiculous norms of society? Then be vocal about it! Don’t shy away. Make your voice heard and your thoughts felt. Feel free to share with us any comments relating to this post, in the space provided below.