So you are in a new relationship with this person. You want to know him deeper and also to make yourself understood. This means you will have to share your past experiences or anything of the present that had/ has an influence on the kind of person you are. This is a mutual feeling. The best part here is, you want to know everything so that you can make better decisions right now before you head to make things very official in the future. This actually saves the heartache that comes with discovering unpalatable information quite later in the relationship.
Here are a few touchy topics that you can refrain from discussing with your man:
The number of men you have been with:
Let’s accept the fact that some people find it hard to be with a person forever or maybe have been unlucky in love. Of course you can talk about your ex lover, mention why you ended up but not make them a part of all your conversations all the time. That would send around wrong signals that you might be constantly comparing them. You don’t need to drop a bomb on your partner by telling him about all of them at one go. Give him some time to process what he knows about one and eventually let the information emerge during your conversations slowly.
Speaking about marriage too soon is sure enough to scare the hell out of this person. Understand that not everyone is comfortable with the topic. Wedding is a long term project that needs a serious thought. People take years to decide on it and sometime choose to remain single. You need to understand this man and his fears before you decide to tell him about your marriage plans. Be creative with your questions and indirectly ask him questions about the future and you are sure you get hints of what he is expecting with you.
It’s easier for some people to just move in with someone they have barely know for a few days or even months but it may backfire if you hardly know each other well. Try and analyse if you are comfortable around each other when you meet up or choose to hang out for a very long time. Moving in means you will have to be at ease when this person is around, be able to share your space and even your stuff. Calculate the pros and cons of the idea even if it seems like the most exciting thing to do when you are in a new relationship.
Your sexual fantasies:
You may have a variety of fetishes or maybe just one. But in order to be able to share such personal details, you need to be able to confide in this person. This can have repercussions on not just the romance that your share, but also your sexual compatibility. Make sure your fetish doesn’t scare the hell out of him even if you decide to tell him about it early on. This subject is acceptable when this man is equally adventurous as you are or is open to discussion on anything that concerns you. Unless and until you have known each other for long, it will be very uncomfortable for someone to take this casually.
What either of you earn:
This is something you should avoid discussing. If possible avoid it for as long as you can until that person himself tells you about it. What you earn can have negative outcomes that’s just no healthy. That’s just basically ill mannered when you ask something like that. Don’t let monetary matters creep into the relationship right at the onset. It might actually bring in a superiority complex on the part of the one who earns better who in turn might try and dominate over the person who earns lesser.
What you hold strong views about:
What you feel strongly about is your opinion and he might not actually feel they way you do about something. It’s better if your keep them to yourself because chances are he will not be in a position to understand what prompted you to hold such strong opinions about something. Even if you are tempted to let him know what you stand by and what morals and values you hold, just allow him sometime and take your time as well to know if he can really process that kind of information.
Being honest is always the best option. But sometimes you need to judge the situation before blurting out everything. Sometimes, just keep your secrets to yourself for you will be the best keeper of those. Not everything needs to be said unless that’s super important for the other person to know.
Born and brought up in India, Anushree's thoughts have been conditioned by a surrounding diverse in all aspects. She aspires to travel round the world and have a taste of the culture, food and music. Her Masters in Political Science has given her a reality check as to where India stands in enlightening its womenfolk. Writing gives her the freedom to materialize her ideas and allow people to sneak into her mind. She finds it fun and liberating.