I heard this quote once, “With the right kind of conflict comes progress.” Although I can’t find who wrote this I totally agree with this. Most people think that conflicts hinder everything. But without conflicts, there would be no progress or development. It’s the same about relationships too. Most people avoid difficult talks or delay it to avoid conflict. What they don’t understand is this conflict is very important for their relationship to grow. No, I don’t mean fighting every day but arguing about things that matter to you both is a must. Here are some ways how happy couples do it.
Positively approach the conflict
The first thing that any good couple does is they do not delay or avoid if they feel there is a conflict building. They honestly and calmly ask their partner to sit and talk to them about it. The other thing they keep in mind there is no blaming here; the problem is theirs rather than any one of them. This lets them put their views about it without the fear of name calling and anger. This way the argument never drifts off topic and the solution is found mutually
Knowing it takes time
Patience is one of the most important virtues of a relationship but seldom practiced by all. If they sit and talk about something one of them or sometimes both want it to be sorted then and there. This is not how it works; depending on how big the topic means for the individual, they may take more time or more arguments to come to a conclusion. You can’t force a conflict into a solution, you can only keep working on it patiently till you both reach the common point. Learn to be patient with your partner.
No name calling
Whenever we think about a conflict or a fight we have images of brutal name calling and abuses with no ending. But a good couple realizes that this is not what will help them reach a solution. They know how to have a healthy argument and try to practice it whenever possible. Also, they know the lines they shouldn’t be crossing while such an argument is going on. This gives their partner freedom to express themselves without any pressure and fear. As discussed before this has to be a positive way of solving the conflict.
Be open and honest
When there is a conflict don’t make it a cause if another one by lying or hiding things. All it will do is pile up and your partner will not be able to trust you anymore with their problems. It’s all downhill from there. So if they ask you about something that seems to be bothering you, go ahead and tell them. Don’t tell you are okay if you aren’t. Being 100% vulnerable helps your partner to do the same with you. You have to understand that there is nothing wrong to admit that you are having trouble and need help with it. So let them know rather than hide.
Happy Couples don’t make assumptions
You know how sometimes when we have a bad day and someone comes to us all happy and with good news, we feel this immense hate for them. Well, they don’t know you are going through something bad. It’s the same when it comes to you partner. They may not always be able to judge your mood or situation. Don’t be bitter about it or start assuming stuff. Open your mouth and let them know. They are with you because they love and care for you. If you feel ashamed to tell them that you need them then you have no right to judge their loyalty towards you. So next time before starting the fight just because you assumed something, talk to them.
You are in this together
The first thing before even starting to talk, you both have to remember at all times that you both are a team. No problem that comes to you is an individual problem anymore. If you always keep this in mind, you always know that the other also has the best of intentions for you. So, when the fights begin, rather than getting angry you think about the points they are putting forward. This will help you reach a common solution rather than a biased one. Work as a team and grow as a couple.
When you are so good to each other even in conflicts, it not only strengthens your relationship but also lets your children know that it’s okay to have conflicts with the one you love. So, learn to fight with love.