Arranged marriages are very much common in India when compared to western countries. Though arrange marriages have a high success rate, they do not come without their fair shares of problems. Arranged marriages are much harder to work with than love marriages.
Marriage, a bond where two strangers /acquaintances take sacred vows, tie the knot and commit to each other to be there for the other in all their highs and lows, ups and downs, take along the whole family to join their journey of life together. Well, sounds like a really risky process, isn’t it? It’s not though.
It is quite understandable that there is this uncertainty when it comes to arrange marriage -about it not lasting long as two totally different people, who are much more of strangers vow to tie the knot with each other and stay together for the rest of their lives. If you find yourself in such arrangement and want to make it effective then follow these pointers that might help you out:
Starting The Relationship With Lower Expectations
One thing you can benefit in arranged marriage over a free-choice marriage is that you get married with relatively low expectations. In love marriage, you both know each other very well and that places a high amount of expectations in each other. But in arrange marriages, you enter into marriage with relatively fewer expectations. It is better that way.
You need to take into account that both of you are different and you might have a different set of choices which might not match, hence leading to your expectations not being met. Having said that, you should keep it in your mind that he is a different person and he might not do the things just the way you want.
He might not surprise you with a romantic date with candlelight dinner set up because his idea of a date might possibly be you and him spending a day together at home and ordering takeouts so that he might get as much time with you as possible. Instead of facing a let-down, it is better that you both get to know each other very well and keep the expectations a low-key in your relationship.
Befriend Your Partner
Before being a partner to your fiancé, you need to be a friend. Try to build a friendship, consider him or her as your friend and make all the efforts to let this friendship grow. Learn different things about them like what are his/her food preferences, color choices, their achievements in life, the highs and lows that they have been through etc. Everything matters.
Being friends with your partner will make life so much easier. This can only be done when you spend time alone with each other and not when you are with your respective families. Alone time is utmost important and that’s why you need to go out on dates just the way you hang out with your friend away from your home.
Try and build trust in each other because it is the vital part of any relationship. Know each other in such a way that you can easily predict what he/she will do in a given circumstance. Past may also make an appearance at times but you’ve to be mature and deal with it just the way it has to be dealt with- by keeping it in the past.
Respect Each Other’s Respective Families
In arrange marriage, the marriage does not take place between two people, but it encompasses both the side of families as well. So ultimately, families have a huge part in your relationship. Respecting his family just like you want him to respect yours is your first duty to remember. Same goes the other way round.
Marriage entails a lot more than what you ever thought. Shouldering a load of responsibilities towards extended family being one of the things that come with marriage. Criticizing his/her family all the time and asking him/her to give up on their part of duties towards their family is a deal breaker in any relationship. If you want your marriage to be a successful one you need to understand where his/her family stands in your partner’s life.
Maintain your individuality
You are still the same person you were before marriage. Your interests are still same and they still do matter. Just because you are married that doesn’t mean you’ll have to give up on all your wishes and interests and spend all your time in pleasing your partner. You need to maintain your individuality. Find time for your interests, friends, passions and fun. If your spouse is interested in joining then that’s even better but if he doesn’t-No problem. If you pursue your own interest then even he’ll be comfortable in pursuing his own interests with ease.
Motivate Openly But Never Criticize And Complain In Public
Who is perfect? No one is. You’ll never find a perfect person who matches with all your expectations. It is obvious that you’ll face clashes, you’ll see many shortcomings in him but that doesn’t mean you’ll criticize him in front of his friends, cousins or family. It is not wrong to point out his faults in the privacy of your room but doing the same out in public is a low blow. At the same time, praise him and appreciate him in public it will please him. Keep his ego intact and he’ll do the same for you. If you learn to respect each other’s feelings and emotion, you’ll go a long way.
Fall In Love Eventually
Love is the main element in marriage. Some people might fall in love at first sight even in arrange marriages and some might not. If you are one of them then don’t worry because you’ll fall in love eventually. Love doesn’t happen overnight, it takes time. You might find yourself in love but that doesn’t mean that even your partner will feel the same. Do not expect him to reciprocate your feelings as soon as you do. He’ll eventually fall in love with you because that is bound to happen because if you both have agreed to tie the knot, it means you like something about each other. You just have to be an optimist and keep on hinting your love for him. Sometime you might have to give more than what you get but that doesn’t matter when you love your partner. Keep your mind open and be positive.
Couples always find it hard to adjust with each other and share a bed and room with each other in the relationship because it’ll practically be you sharing everything with an acquaintance. Enter the relation with low expectations but ensure that you lay down your expectations in front of him/her because let’s just be honest, everyone has their own set of expectations. In the world where live-in relationships and love marriages are flourishing, you can still make an arranged marriage work because till date they have a high success rate.
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Anisha is an aspiring writer. She's a graduate in BBM. An ambivert by
nature, she is very fond of reading sappy romantic novels, passionate
about singing, cooking and dancing, holds a keen interest in learning
new things and wanderlust.