Controlling parents can be really hard to cope with, especially if you are an adult. They enter almost all areas of your life and it is really difficult to deal with them. They are overprotective, they always keep a check on you with several phone calls and sometimes, they even ask you to maintain a joint account so as to track your monetary transactions. Such kind of parenting can be a big pain. The good thing is that if you are an adult, you certainly can do something about it. There are interesting ways in which you can set boundaries without causing glitch in your bonds. Following are the steps:
The first step is to identify whether your parents actually fall into the category of overbearing parents or not. If they humiliate you in public, do not respect your opinions, constantly nag you or take away their love instantly when you break their rules or do something they dislike; then it is pretty evident that you are dealing with strict parents.
Understand the situation
Before you can change or amend anything, it is important to have a thorough analysis and comprehension of the prevailing situation. Such nature of parenting comes from a point of view of protecting the child, but as the child grows they fail to understand that as important is the control, such is the importance of liberty and freedom. Sometimes the case may differ, you have to get to the root of their conduct and understand the underlying motive.
Practice New styles of communication
Sometimes, it is simply that the parents are not aware of their behavior. In order to protect the child, they tend to forget that they are crossing the borders and going too much overboard with their concerns and insecurity. In such cases, all it takes is a thoughtful and diplomatic talk with your parents. Although, it might take time to bring in the changes, but they will surely try to change. Your way of communication should be in such a manner that they aren’t offended and on the other hand they are welcoming in understanding your perspectives.
Don’t let your emotions get the best of you
Some parents can be so rigid that normal conversation will not deliver to the solutions. In such cases, you must be prepared for harsh reactions and treatment. They can get offended with your school of thought and might react emotionally. You have to hold on to your understanding of where it is coming from and why is it coming. This will prevent you from overreacting backwards and ruining the situation even more. Be patient. It will take time for them to fully accept your idea of independence and it is okay! Be kind to them and think about the sacrifices they have made to raise you up. Take a step back and understand their concerns.
Make things politely and precisely clear
They are the ones who gave birth to you and they are the ones who put in a lifetime to give you everything you need but still it doesn’t just the thought of owning you. You are an individual emotional and physical entity and your life has to eventually handover to you when you turn into an adult. You will have to set firm boundaries and explain to them about what your expectation are and aren’t from them. Give details as to why you think their conduct is unfair and be very polite and positive while doing so.
Try and Balance
It is important to balance your expectations and their control systems. You surely can enlighten them with your ideas of treatment and at the same time endure their school of thought in regard to parenting a kid. There can be underlying roots to this problem; it can be their faded marriage, there not so social lives or perhaps their anxieties. Be understanding and try accepting them as who they are. It is only then when they will learn to accept who you are.
Overbearing parents can act out of several reasons, primary one being anxiety and insecurity. Such parents can be a factor of negativity on a child’s life but it is important to learn the right way to tackle them as it is doable. You will have to devote time to build bonds with them, to strike good communication chords and to make them graciously open to your asserted thoughts and matters.
Ashwathi is an enthusiastic traveller and dancer with a passion for movies and music. Hailing from an Army background, she considers herself fortunate enough to have experienced the diverse cultures that India boasts of. She is a graduate in Journalism and Mass Communications and has worked in print, radio and television.