Are you easily manipulated by people? Have you been manipulated by your partner? Manipulative people know how to get their ways; they try to get control over your decisions through sweet words. You won’t detect it in the beginning of the relationship but as and how you settle in the relationship you’ll know it.
Are manipulators ‘unfair’?
Definitely. They don’t care about fair and unfair. They care about proving themselves right and getting their ways. They are really good at using your own words against you no matter how careful you be.
For them, people are just a ‘means to the end’. No one realizes until the damage has been done already. You might not realize it but by giving in to these manipulations in the disguise of love are just taking away your free will. There are some most commonly spoken phrases by the manipulators. Manipulation is just not right and you shouldn’t be giving into those sweetly spoken words. Learn how to shut them down. These are few things you can say as a response to the most common manipulative phrases:
“You are misunderstanding what I said.”
This is the most common phrase used by manipulators when they are caught doing something wrong or lying. They are really good at turning the tables on you and acting innocent is their top most quality. You know what you’ve seen and yet they seem to confuse you about the things you are so clear about. If this pattern seems to be repeating in your relationship more than twice or thrice you need to wake up and stand for yourself because clearly you are being jeopardized.
“I m just trying to protect you.”
Really? These things really just happen in movies. It might seem all sweet for once but when this becomes a daily thing – you seriously need to stop it. I know it sounds really appealing when we hear it on t.v. but it’s really not. No one can take away your right to take decisions just for protecting you.
Honestly, no one can protect you from everything in the life. Sometimes you’ll have to really face things on your own. So instead, tell your partner to just be there for you as a moral support. They need to just be there to provide you support emotionally and not make you dependent on them by taking the matter in their hands.
“Look what you made me do!”
In the truest sense, no one can make other people do anything they want. It’s purely our decision. So when your partner tells you this, don’t let his/her words tarnish your mind. Manipulators have a very good way of defending themselves and one of such tactics is blaming others for something they did.
So next time your partner tells you that you made him do this, be an honest person and make him/her realize that you have no power to make them do anything they did not want to do. They need to take responsibility for their own actions cause no one else will.
“You’re too sensitive”
Sensitive people are often the ones who are caught in the web of manipulators. Sensitive people care, they show empathy, they are really very understanding and right there is the spot that manipulators hit.
When he says ‘You are too sensitive’, firstly remind yourself there’s nothing wrong in that. Secondly, no one wants to be taken advantage of and that’s what you are doing- backing off and defending yourself against it. So if he/she thinks you are sensitive, so be it, but you aren’t going to be manipulated anymore.
“Why are you still mad at me? I already bought you a necklace!”
Your response to this should be: Well, so kind of you that you thought of buying me a gift. I appreciate it. But my forgiveness doesn’t come with a price tag. You buying me a gift won’t make things right. You can have it back.
Or he/she might even use this phrase:
“I already said sorry, what more do you want me to do?”
Some people don’t say sorry to mean it but just to get rid of the situation. And that is what manipulators do. But sorry is not a quick fix for everything. Sometimes the one who is in the wrong really needs to know that what they have done is not right. Wounds take time to heal and that’s why a sorry is not enough. Demand time to think things through.
“If you leave me, I’ll hurt myself”
High manipulative alert right here!
If your partner stops you from leaving him with this line then he is really bordering on the qualities of a psychopath and he really needs help. This is just his way of manipulating you by giving you no choice. Respond to this by asking him to join therapy and let him know that your decision is not going to change. You have made your decision to leave and you are not doing anything against your own will and wish.
“Why are you wearing this? Go change!”
“Who have you been texting? Let me see your phone”
“It’s not you I don’t trust, it’s the people”
Seriously? You don’t need to trust other people. It’s me you are in a relation with not the people so just place your trust in me. – is what I would respond.
Trust is the base of any relationship and if your partner doesn’t seem to have it in him to trust you then you’ll see him using these phrases on you. If he really trusts you then he shouldn’t actually be checking your phone because it belongs to you and you won’t cheat on him. It’s not about phone or dress, but it’s about the trust.
“I know you feel strongly about this, but I need you to do it my way because that’s what best for us!”
This phrase might sometimes make you feel that the other person knows you really well but they are completely ignoring the fact that you know what’s good for you! They are completely disregarding your feelings.
No one else can decide what is best for you. It might be best for him but not for you, not all the time. Your partner really needs to hear you out. You are taking a decision as a couple and not him alone. If he thinks you do not know what is best for you then how does he know? Come on, are you even hearing yourself right now? Your opinion matters just like his. Don’t forget that.
If you’re an empath then you should be damn careful. Don’t fall into the trap of manipulators because the tactics of creating doubts, confusion and blaming come very easily to them. Stand up for yourself and let them know when they do something wrong. They’ll become defensive and use tricks so you’ve to be prepared and be immune to the blame game.
If it is getting too much then end and let go of such relationship because manipulation counts as emotional abuse and you need to steer clear of it to maintain your sanity, like literally!
Anisha is an aspiring writer. She's a graduate in BBM. An ambivert by
nature, she is very fond of reading sappy romantic novels, passionate
about singing, cooking and dancing, holds a keen interest in learning
new things and wanderlust.