For both men and women, losing your virginity is a milestone event which definitely requires thought and consideration before it happens and after. The Indian society has tabooed ‘sex’ before marriage as an act of sin, which is as bad making the act of eating food a sin too, since they both come quite naturally to human beings.
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Now is the time to bust some myths. Everyone has sex, and everyone loses their virginity sooner or later. For some, it is a pleasant experience, and for others not so much. Yet, it happens and there is nothing bad about it. It is time we spread awareness about sex and sexual health rather than sweeping it under the carpet and ignoring that it exists.
Sex Education in India is severely flawed. So much so that teachers often ask students to read the chapters highlighting sex in 6th Grade at home. Increasingly, young girls are becoming pregnant in India as there is lack of awareness or ignorance towards the subject of sex. In some cases, girls agree to have sex without protection because social stigma tells them to listen to whatever the guy is telling them since they have to please the guy. In other cases, they are simply unaware of protection measures or are too embarrassed to buy condoms or visit a gynecologist to take birth control medicine. Since social stigma affects women more than men, women have to deal with the pressure they put on themselves of becoming ‘impure’ or ‘bad’ after they have indulged in sex, whereas on the other hand, for a man it is an event of great pride.
According to the Hindustan Times Youth Survey, an unprecedented 61% believe that premarital sex is no longer a taboo. Only, when it comes to marriage, 63% want their partners to be virgins. This presents a huge hypocrisy in the present times. It seems that while girls have become more empowered when it comes to embracing their sexuality, it is guys who are still deep rooted in traditions of the past, and want an oh-so-pure virgin bride. Of course, in olden times it was about finding the right partner who has financial stability and social standing. However, now it seems that both women and men want partners that they are wholly compatible with – emotionally, physically and sexually. Hence, pre-marital sex happens all the time, but isn’t discovered all the time. As the result of discovery may be devastating. This is because the older generation still cannot digest the idea of casual sex.
As youngsters become more career-oriented, they will delay marriage. The average age of getting married in India is slowly and carefully increasing. And since nature demands it, they will not delay sex till the age of 27 and save their virginity for their partner. This affects women more as only 20% of women in urban cities of India work, and they are the ones setting this trend. Through the concept of social upward mobility, this trend is now increasing even in not-so-affluent states of India such as Indore and Jaipur.
It is time we found out some of the experiences that girls and women have shared about their first-time sexual encounter :
I was in my last year of Law College and I was dating this guy for one and a half years. We decided to lose our virginities to each other since we really liked one another. It was a great experience, especially since we had already done everything else sexually, so we were quite comfortable with each other. It lasted about four minutes, at the end of which he had an orgasm. My orgasm was not even close though.
Advice – Lose your virginity to someone you are comfortable with.
I lost my virginity this year itself to a senior in my college. We liked each other however I felt I was not really ready to have sex with someone. I was eager to know what it felt like, but I didn’t want to lose it to a guy I didn’t really have feelings for. He was not a virgin and he really wanted to have sex with me. He kept on convincing me and pursuing me to do it and eventually I gave in. It was an okay-ish experience. I didn’t bleed at all.
Advice – Don’t do it if you don’t want to. Say no, and be consistent about your no.
I am in a long distance relationship. I have been dating the guy for a year now and we decided to have sex this year itself. It was great fun as we are very compatible with each other. After having sex for the first time, I felt like nothing had changed about me – as is often said by people who believe in myths and taboos regarding sex. It didn’t make any difference to our relationship either. We have one more way of being physically intimate, but that’s all it is.
Advice – It won’t change who you are or your relationship.
I lost my virginity with a guy I hooked up with in a club. We went back to his place and I told him I was a virgin. He was a nice guy and he took it slow, but it didn’t feel great. Since then, I’ve had sex with guys I really care about, and I’ve definitely had more fun. I wish I’d lost my virginity to someone who I had feelings for.
Advice – Pop your cherry with someone you have feelings for.
Popping the cherry was great fun as I did it with one of my closest friends back when I was in college. We both wanted to get it over with so we decided to lose our virginities to each other. We were kind of attracted to each other too. It gave me confidence to date guys after that.
Advice – It gives you confidence. Go have fun.
I lost my virginity about two months back with a guy who I dated for about a month. He was not a virgin and I was. It was a fairly good experience but he ended up telling everyone in my college about it. Although I have nothing to be afraid of as I don’t associate any girls character to whether or not they have had sex, it was still a little cheap. After a few weeks however, it was no big deal and people actually started judging the guy too. So it was cool.
Advice – It’s not a big deal, so don’t make it one.
I lost my virginity about one year ago. Before I decided that I will lose my virginity to my boyfriend, I researched thoroughly about protection, how to do it and how to deal with any emotional stress -before and after it happens. Being well informed really helped me in having a more satisfying and stress-free experience.
Advice – Be well researched before you do it, and always use protection.
Aarushi is a 19-year-old Law Student based in New Delhi, India. She is the founder of a student-led initiative for educating girls called SDG5. She is passionate about working for gender equality and for a better world.