The mere thought of ‘second marriage’ is scary especially when you already have gone through a heartbreak, breach of trust, trauma and many other negative emotions which are associated with loss of partner or a divorce.
Many times, one might fall in love again but the ghost of the traumatic past prevents that person from taking the next big step. It is not easy to make a second marriage work and to add to the complexities, there might be children from the previous marriage as well. Frequent “forget about the past” advices do not really work and couple struggle to keep their marriages going.
Here are some expert advices for couple who are unhappy in their second marriages.
Understand the meaning of ‘ideal’
As a child, your must have always dreamt of picture-perfect life and you possibly have never thought of being someone’s second husband/wife. Everyone dreams of ‘the one and only’ and terms that as ideal or perfect. But nothing is perfect in life and that has been proved time and again. It is important that you break free of the notion that ‘idea’ is not always synonymous to happiness. Do not think that your second marriage is not ideal and that is something where you will always have to compromise with.
Give your spouse importance
Putting your spouse on top of the list, at least in the initial months of your marriage is really important. It is not that you would have to revolve your life around them but ensure that they do not ever feel left alone. Most of the times, you are so very involved with your own emotional baggage that you ignore your partner without realizing the same. Make sure that your partner feels you are making an attempt to forget about your past and that you are involved only with him. Spend quality time with each other and all these would make your married life much smoother than you have ever thought off.
Get a life
While it is very important to spend some quality time with your partner, it is also important that you invest some time for yourself. Go out with friends, hit the gym, go for a jog in a nearby park or simply spend some time nurturing your hobby. This ‘me-time’ would make your strong and independent and help you to get over the past.
Understand each other’s expression of love
The understanding of love is different amongst people and the ways of expressing it is also different. It is very important that you understand each other’s language of love and while some express their love by gifting materialistic things, other prefer spending quality time with their spouse. Appreciate it and do not make the mistake of comparing with your previous partner.
Saying “I Love You” occasionally helps and would make your partner feel special. Learn to forget and forgive and do not hold grudges against each other. Be flexible and try out new things in your marriage to keep the spark alive.
Vineeta Sinha, the owner and president of Vineeta Constructions Co. is a writer and blogger at heart. An economics graduate, the talented writer has been in the writing industry for years. When asked about how she manages the two very different professions, she says, “Construction business is what me and my husband who is a civil engineer dreamt of together and I am glad we succeeded but writing is something I have been doing years before I stepped into the construction world. I was very young when I realized that there was a hidden passion for writing in me and I unveiled it through my school magazine for the very first time and there has been no looking back since then. Though construction contributes more in running my world, writing is something that completes me.”