‘For small creatures like us, the vastness of the universe is only bearable through love’
The universe is wicked and it knows how to perfectly fit the two most incompatible and imperfect people together once they are in love. Love is divine and it shines like the whole universe is yours.
‘Love is the energizing elixir of the universe, the cause and effect of all the harmonies’
We fall in love and if every chord retaliates in synchronization, we get into a relationship. Every successful relationship goes through some stages in its course of time. The blossoms and the ripples are all a part of these stages. Enduring them and sustaining them together is what decides the fate of a relationship. Here are five stages of a relationship that every couple will relate to.
THE ROMANCE BUBBLE STAGE
The stage where you tease your tummy with butterflies and blush your face to rose pink, also, popularly known as the honeymoon period is the Romance stage. In this stage, you are actually in a bubble swaying around undisturbed by anything. This is the stage when you spot him and begin to crush over him. Admiring his good looks, his sweet gestures or simply drooling over his dimples are universal fundamentals of this stage. This person you are admiring day and night might be the worst nightmare for you. But the interesting thing is that even if he were to tell you straight on your face that – ‘I am least capable of meeting your needs and expectations’, you would still be watching him puppy eyed. That is the beauty (or disaster) of this stage. Despite the real picture in your hand, he still is the perfect person for you to push every button. This stage lands you up in an intense attraction and an uncontrollable urge to be with that person. This stage exists as universe wants us to fall in love.
THE FANTASY CRACK STAGE
This stage commences as the honeymoon period marks its end which mostly does not last more than a year and sometimes even begin to fade its colors within months. This is the stage that brings you up close and personal with the reality leaving you all cranky and dissatisfied.
So, you had a crush on him, you guys liked each other and have been dating since a while. But now things aren’t the same anymore and the tag that you fanatically carried with you that said ‘romantic loves will last forever’ seems to be losing its grip. Now, the tables start to turn around and you shift your focus from counting similarities to noticing the different personalities you both actually are. This is the time when partners are tired of putting their best foot forward every time which eventually reveals their flaws. And, when the flaws are revealed there is a dearth of acceptance and adjustment which leads to quarrels and fights. You keep on trying to chase the person and transforming him into the person you thought he was in the beginning. This stage also witnesses the withdrawal of one partner maybe in the need for individual space. This is a very critical stage as if things go slightly over the brim, couples tend to easily give up and break up. Therefore, one must intelligently deal with the growing changes such that the love connection is not lost and you are also able to establish sovereignty in the relationship.
THE EQUILIBRIUM STAGE
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Although not many couples cruise over the previous stage and reach this one but those who do are definitely up for a more intense and deeper connection. You reach this stage once you have flagged the fact that it is not possible to change each other’s personalities and have come in terms with the option of fine-tuning. Now, you are okay with your partner being poles apart from you and have set clear lines and have learnt the art of mutual respect. In this stage, you are likely to rewind all the romance that occurred in the first phase of your relationship but this time with a punch of storming force of affection as now you are more mature and ready to adapt and grow together. The thrill of being in love with each other all over again covers your mind and body in this stage and you have likely reached solidity in your relationship. This stage in a relationship is indeed very rewarding as you not only grow just in your bonds with him but also tend to grow as a person. You learn how to cope with changes in life and also learn how to mould the consequences for the better.
THE ‘VOW’ STAGE
This is the affirmation stage where you exchange solemn promises and are totally committed to each other. You have by far understood the fact that your relationship does not have to be like those in Yashraj movies to attain a guarantee tag. You have conquered the negativity and despite longing for the media hyped ‘perfect partner’, now you are celebratory about your partner as now he is ‘your version of being perfect’. Now nothing feels awkward and you guys share an absolutely remarkable bond unhindered by under-confidence, inhibitions, doubts, and embarrassments. You can actually even walk up to him in your clumsy pajamas and undone hair to discuss your sanitary pads. Yes! That’s how this stage works. You are super comfortable with him and your relationship experiences a beautiful balance of love, belongingness, excitement, control and freedom. This is the stage when you are in fact ready to get wedded. There is a sense of assurance and security as you have seen all blues and blossoms together, dealt with problems gracefully and it feels this is the right time. Although, this doesn’t mean that you have reached this stage because you are getting married as a lot of people get married in the romance stage when they are high on adrenaline and they feel all flurry and frenzy with fresh emotions revolving around them.
THE FIREPROOF STAGE
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This stage can also be titled as the complete trust stage. You both have established each other as your pillars of strength and support and have bestowed full faith in each other. This stage is blissful as now your bond is stronger than ever. This doesn’t mean problems and weak moments do not touch you, it simply means now you both have mastered the talent of intellectual recovery in your relationship. In this stage, you both begin to co-create and function as a team. You become the sustaining example of successful relationship makers or model a thriving marriage for people around you. You motivate the people surrounding you to embark on the journey of love and focus on driving their concentration on the brighter sides of a relationship. You begin to counsel couples who have lost hope and your friends actually ask for your opinions and inputs in dealing their relationship problems.
Some very useful tips-
No matter which stage you are in, if you do not put efforts to nurture your relationship, you are taking things for granted.
If you’ve been together for several years and have reached the fireproof stage, be cautious not to spend your entire energy for the external world such that you fail to remember to cultivate your relationship.
You’ll keep coming back to the second stage i.e. the Fantasy Crack stage until and unless you learn to love each other’s differences and deal with it in a way that it deepens your understanding and relationship instead of wear it away.
If you keep taunting or arguing with each other over a closed chapter, it simply means the egoistic worms are still alive and the wounds haven’t been healed. This broadly means that you have not yet overcome the Fantasy Crack stage.
It is very important to realize that using force or emotional blackmailing will never help you attain what you want, instead realizing your strengths and weaknesses as a couple will.
Ashwathi is an enthusiastic traveller and dancer with a passion for movies and music. Hailing from an Army background, she considers herself fortunate enough to have experienced the diverse cultures that India boasts of. She is a graduate in Journalism and Mass Communications and has worked in print, radio and television.