Yes, it is true that parents are the only ones who know what is best for their children. But sometimes, we make mistakes too. We believe that, because our kids are under us, we have all the right to make decisions for them and treat them with dominance. What we forget is that even though they are an extension of us, they do have an individuality of their own and it is very important to let them grow naturally, as an individual, intervening only at the correct times.
One of the most important things to keep in mind is to carefully choose what to say to your kids, in their growing years, because it will leave a deep impact upon them throughout their lives. So here are a few things you should never tell your children.
THAT THEY SHOULD BE LIKE RAHUL OR REAH
Your child is unique. Do not draw a comparison between your kid and another child. You may have no idea about the negative traits that the other child may possess. It makes your little one feel as though they are not worthy of attaining what their peers are worthy of. They will consider what you say to be the holy truth, to the extent where they will overlook the qualities that they might possess, that others may not. This kind of a statement is unhealthy for your kid’s confidence. Instead, of undermining them, let them know about their positives and encourage them to improve on those. Help them to get better where they are lagging.
THAT YOUR CHILD “IS SUCH A BAD BOY/GIRL”
This may sound like a very petty and harmless thing to say to your child while you are chiding them and it is the most common statement that parents resort to when they want their kids to feel ashamed about a certain action. But it is extremely damaging for a child to be constantly made to feel ashamed of themselves. They start to feel sorry for who they are. As explained by child psychologists, there is a difference between embarrassment and shame. Embarrassment comes as a result of a silly mistake you may have committed, but shame is something that can delve deep and destruct your kid’s morale. Parents are the ones whom a child trusts the most, so do not give rise to feelings of self-shaming in your child.
TO APOLOGISE TO YOU AGAINST THEIR WILL
Parents feel that their job to get their kid to learn something is done, once they succeed through force, in receiving an apology from the children. But seeking apology through force does not benefit your child at the least. A forceful apology will not bring realisation in them. Instead, have them realise what they did wrong, by trying to get into their shoes, asking and understanding why they did a certain thing in the first place, and teach them to do otherwise. Once they have realised where they have gone wrong after you have put the effort to ask and understand the driving force behind their deed, they will remember your effort and acknowledge it.
THAT THEY ARE THE WITTIEST OR SMARTEST IN CLASS
Do not raise your kid’s expectations from themselves. It gets difficult for them to keep up to the standard you have set for them and when they cannot keep up to that standard it causes depression. It is also very important for parents to let their children get the hang of the real world outside of the shelter of home, and in the real world, no one is better than anybody, but everyone in fact, is striving to override one another and get to the top. Your kid must understand the truth of it and keep working towards self-betterment, instead of being content with what they already have because they will not have anyone to boost their ego when the parents will not be around.
WHAT COMPLAINTS YOU HAVE REGARDING YOUR SPOUSE
Parents tend to sometimes reveal their frustrations regarding their spouses to their children, very naturally, without anticipating the consequences that it brings. Your children are not as experienced and mature as you are, so they cannot see and interpret things the way you can. Which is why when they continue to hear negative things about one parent from the other parent, their respect for that parent diminishes, and because perhaps they are closer and better understood by one of the parents, they will tend to believe whatever they are told and it can spoil their relationship with the other parent, in time.
This is one of the vital points to take note of. Do not say something to your child that you do not really mean, because in the long run it will cause them to distrust you with many things you say. Your children idealise you when they are young, and it will dishearten them, and cause them to feel disrespectful towards you if they realise that you have been lying to them on many instances, something they consider to be the trait of bad human beings. Do not use this tactic to get them to do something, when you know they will come to know sooner or later that you were lying. Rather be strict and have them respectfully obey you, on those given instances.
THAT THEY ARE A SISSY, OR UNBREAKABLE AND SO FORTH
Do not tag your children with certain attributes. They will not be able to see themselves being anything contrary, to what they have been labelled as, throughout their lives by their parents. If you tag your son as sissy, he will accept this attribute to be the only one which is true of him, even if he were to not grow up naturally as an effeminate boy, the preconceived title will get etched in his mind. Similarly, when you call your child unbreakable, they will deny themselves of feeling pain or weakness and this is very unhealthy for your child’s mental well being, as well as for their character development.
Hope these points will help you be even more perfect as a parent than you already are to your little ones. It is always a good idea to get into your children’s shoes and understand them from the scenario in which they are in. Go back to your childhood days and reminisce what all you found pleasant about your parent’s attitude and what all you did not. Good luck!