There goes a popular saying that words once uttered can never be taken back. So it is extremely important that one must be very careful about how and when one says something, to a near and dear one, to someone of importance, or even to someone of least importance, in order to contribute to a productive conversation while having obliterated oneself from a tricky situation.
Hence, what you say has to be well thought out to avoid misunderstandings, hurtful feelings and all sorts of controversies. However, to wholly avoid any kind of negative response or confrontations, is not humanly possible but it is definitely worth the effort to try and be as perfect in communicating one’s thoughts, keeping at bay as much of the negative responses as possible.
Here are a few instances when and how you can filter what you say:
WHEN IT’S A SIMPLE YET HARD TRUTH
There are times when we must filter the truth in order to avoid hurting our dear one’s feelings. Do not blatantly lie to your loved ones but be a little gentle with the simplest of truth that you believe might hurt them.
For example: If your mother or your husband has cooked lovingly for you, one of your favourite dishes and it did not turn out to be as great as they had expected it to, do not tell them on the face how low in taste it is compared to the one you eat regularly at the restaurant. Tell them the truth so they can improve but in a different way. You can say that you are extremely happy to be able to eat this dish at home but that it is a little different from how it originally tastes and you would be happier if it tasted similar to what it originally does.
WHEN IT’S CONFIDENTIAL
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It is wise to not let out confidential information for your own and the other person’s well being, who is involved with the piece of secret that you are about to reveal, for it is not your secret to share but someone else’s. Nevertheless, if it is something that you must reveal to get yourself out of a mess, filter the truth a little bit.
For example: If it’s about your best friend that you are telling your parent about, make sure not to reveal the real name of the person concerned. If you are telling your boss about the wrong doings of a fellow employee, tell them that it wasn’t you who had witnessed the wrong doings but that you have heard from others and that it saddens you to have to hear to such rumours. It is very important to know how to say things, because people judge you from the way you speak and from the things you speak about. So make sure you get your job done by being diplomatic.
WHEN IT’S OUT OF ANGER AND IMPATIENCE
It is not always possible to be kind with people who force you or propel you to lose your temper, even if the person concerned is a dear one. These are the times when we end up saying unkind things to the concerned people. But even when we argue or fight for our cause it is very important to be conscious to not spurt out words that can mar our own reputation or deeply injure someone’s sentiments. We must learn to filter what we say even when we are angry.
For example: If your boss talks to you insultingly, do not get hyper and spurt out insulting things to him as well. Try and keep your calm and patience. Be firm yet polite with whatever you say in response, even when you are pushed to one corner. Among other things, do not bring up areas of weaknesses in your loved ones when you are arguing. You should filter what you say at instances like these so that you do not repent later on.
WHEN IT’S TO CREATE AN IMPRESSION
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When you are introducing yourself to people you need to impress, it is essential to filter out and strain all the positives and leave out the negatives. People generally tend to get drawn towards those who have an optimistic vision of life.
For example: When you go for an interview and are asked as to why you quit your previous job, you shouldn’t come up with negative comments like, you were unhappy with the salary or that you had to deal with too much of office politics. Instead say things like you want to learn more from the company that you are looking to join, for there are newer things that you want to learn apart from what you have already learnt from your previous company.
WHEN IT’S A REVELATION ABOUT YOUR PRIVATE LIFE
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We come across people every day from various walks of life. We get acquainted with some of those people and get reasonably close to only a few. However, getting close to somebody shouldn’t make you completely vulnerable to the person so that you reveal without fear any and every small detail about your life to that person without a bar whatsoever. Not everything about one’s personal life can be brought to the open and discussed with whomever one considers close.
For example: There are times when a certain love relationship does not work well enough, and after its completion one may get attracted to some other person and get close enough to share their personal lives with them. Yet, one should keep in mind, to filter what they say about their past relationship and lover. It is important that one’s ex is not pulled down and disrespected before the current object of attraction. It isn’t nice to hold up the person you were once close to with disrespect in the eyes of a complete stranger. Also, never bring up or share parental and familial issues with someone you have just met because you never know how and when one can use these weaknesses against you. Hence, it will only cause you to feel guilty and bad about yourself later on in life. To avoid feelings of repentance, you should be wise enough with whatever your reveal about yourself to people.
One should be extremely thoughtful, calculative and patient in situations as these, in life, which requires one to be very careful with what one says. We must be able to filter our statements in various critical situations of life to prevent any of our words to go against us. I hope that the examples mentioned above could be used as sample filters in similar situations in your lives, that it could help you understand how important filtering your statements are and realise the consequences of blatant statements. Come up with more such examples in your mind and create your own filters.
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