Relationships are about more than just sex. Let’s establish that before we go any further. However, one still cannot ignore its importance in maintaining a healthy relationship. There is just so much taboo surrounding sex, that it becomes difficult to talk about things related to it with your partner. But you cannot ignore that it is on the minds of both of you. Your sexual life has a very major impact on your relationship in the long run. We recently held a poll, where we asked our readers if they “lacked sexual compatibility with their partners?” The results are in and here’s an analysis of the trend.
Defining Sexual Compatibility
For those of you who feel they are sexually compatible with their partners, congratulations! But before we delve any deeper let’s understand what sexual compatibility actually is. The generally accepted and widely used definition is that it is the compatibility of the two partners’ sex drive. While that is true, it goes beyond that. True sexual compatibility lies in the ability to communicate your wishes and desires, your kinks and fetishes freely. Only partners that can do most of that with ease can consider themselves, sexually compatible.
There are patterns to everyone’s sex drives. Not every human gets turned on by the same thing or at the same rate. Going further, everyone has their own expression of sexual intimacy. Your sexual behavior need not be a 100% match with your partner for you to be sexually compatible. But there needs to be some understanding or mechanism for aiding the same.
Importance of Sexual Compatibility
We are so busy trying to conform to the norms of the society that we often ignore how important being sexually compatible is to a relationship. More often than not, couples separate or divorce over their lack of sexual compatibility. No one admits it of course because they are ashamed to do so. But bad sex can show its effects on the relationship, and vice versa. Many couples notice that when there is a strain in their relationship, sex goes bad. When that strain is removed, things go back to happier times. That is how significant sex is to a relationship.
We also need to accept that this is the difference between a romantic relationship and all the other relations in your life. One can as easily replace their partner with their best friends if we remove the sexual intimacy. Physical intimacy is a very important part of a romantic relationship, just like emotional intimacy. The ability to trust and connect with your partner on a personal/intimate level depends a great deal on how strong their sexual life is.Just as having or not having kids can be deal breakers for marriage, sexual incompatibility can be deal breakers for relationships.
What to do if you are Sexually Incompatible?
The most important step is to communicate. Often couples who are good at communication, find it easier to communicate their sexual desire. Thus, they are more compatible than others. These are conversations that cannot be handled diplomatically. So, you need to be direct in your approach. If you feel that incompatibility is something that is tearing your otherwise perfect relationship, see a counselor.
Communication becomes useless when couples have biologically different sex drives. It’s one thing for couples where one partner wants it once every day and twice on Sundays, and the other wants it once a week. The completely different situation before the twice on Sundays and once a month types. Here, the partner with the stronger sex drive has to curb their desires in order to work. However, pushing it under the rug for long will be detrimental. The way out is either to seek help from couples counseling or resort to sex toys. While the former can help couples devoted to making it work, the latter cannot help the relationship much.