To say that Shakespeare exaggerates the idea of love in his plays is in itself an understatement. I suppose we need to give him the benefit of the fact that play is supposed to be a few hours long. But if one thinks that is how things work in real life, you have probably already been surprised. We recently held a poll asking our readers whether they were in love. While to our great joy, the majority said yes, we still can’t ignore those who answered in the negative. So, what is love? How does one decide whether they are in love or not? And if not, then what?
While the Bollywood movie, 3 idiots would have you believe that there is a visible change in the external environment when you fall in love. Let me assure you, that won’t happen. Well, I’m not in love either, but those who are most certainly know this to be true. To quote Kareena Kapoor from the same movie “Aisa Sirf filmon mein hi Hota Hai” (things like these happen only in the movies). So, how can one know they are in love?
The essence of it all is that you know this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Of course, a good understanding of your own self is essential to reach a conclusion like such. But if you are there in terms of personal understanding, you know this man is right for you. This doesn’t have to mean you agree on everything. Even so, you make each other whole. That is to say, that you pick up where the other lacks.
Should I be worried?
So, maybe you aren’t in love after all. Or weren’t in love, to begin with. One of the best things that one can learn from Arranged marriages is accommodation. It takes a great deal of understanding, compromise, maturity, and adjustment, to make an arranged marriage work. Many aren’t able to do all of this which is probably why we see so many of those couples unhappy. But the point is that Romeo won’t show up at a party that your dad threw. Sometimes you might have found the right person for you, but a few clashes of ideas here and there might throw you off.
This doesn’t mean that you put up with whatever crap that person throws at you. There is a limit to adjustment and we need to define that. If you haven’t come close to finding your love, fear not. The reason is probably that (a) you haven’t even come in contact with enough people to get there, or (b) you are yet to truly discover yourself.
What if I don’t Love the Man I’m with?
In that case, you need to understand what your plans are. Now, if you are in for this just to pass your time, there’s no need to be alarmed. If you are looking for something long-term, that needs some analysis. It’s possible that the person you are with loves you a lot. That might be holding you from breaking away. But know that in the long run, the two of you will only end up being miserable. There are always good and bad things about people. It is when the bad becomes unbearable for you, that you should sever all ties.
So, think about your relationship again. Still in love? Awesome. I wish you the best for the future. Not? Well, there any many fish in the sea. You’ll find the right one for yourself soon. Just make sure you are aware of yourself enough to know when you cross paths with him.