When we are in our teenage we often have a lot of friends who match our interest and likes and dislikes. At that point of time, it might seem like these friendships are going to last forever. Unfortunately, they don’t, not all of them at least. One day you are going to realize that you no longer share the same interests and values. Don’t blame it on them saying they changed because the truth is you do not know when you yourself changed. I know it is devastating for you to know that not all friendships last forever like you thought but you have to realize that not all good things last forever.
Overtime you realize that some friendships are just dragging you down and not uplifting you. You have to chuck some friendships because they are toxic for you and you just do not need that right now. Ultimately you tend to grow closer to like-minded people and lose those who are not exactly in your good books.
You will come across all kinds of friends in your life and you can’t exactly cut each of them off from your life but you can at least maintain a distance from them and they’ll take the hint. So here are a few kinds of friends you should break up with or at least put some distance in between.
The Guilt Tripper
You might think that no one can guilt you but you often miss this person because he/she is a really close friend. You have always been there for them and you never saw them in a different light. Unknowingly you are getting guilt tripped and you have failed to realize this all along. But now you seem to or you might want to know that this friend is actually guilt tripping you.
This friend often makes you feel like you are the one who is abandoning him/her. Often makes you feel bad and a terrible friend and often keeps on saying, ‘You never text me’, ‘You always care more for others than me’ and the list goes on.
You get tired of explaining yourself to him/her. You suck at keeping up with all her demands and it feels like high maintenance to you now. You value her/ him and that’s why you never give up and always made amends but at the end, you always fall short of it. She/he still feels like you are not trying hard enough.
Is This Friendship Worth All The Effort?
In all honesty, you really need to come to this crossroad and ask this question to yourself. If you think that it is worth the effort then don’t beat yourself up about it. Gather your guts and tell your friend what you feel really. Tell him/ her that all of this is giving you grief and it is really unbearable for you to put up with all of it. This will hurt her/ him and you’ll feel awful about it but it is very much necessary for you. Let her know how the words affect you. He/ she might not even be aware of how she has been behaving.
If it is not worth the effort and if this friendship is really draining you even then be honest about it. Tell her that you no longer have the energy to put up with all the drama and it is better you both keep your distance. He/she might not take it mildly and might even try to guilt trip you again by crying and throwing a fit. But you have to stand still on your point and not let her/him guilt trip you again. You don’t want a person who spins drama in your life more than it already is.
The Non-Existent-Ly Existent Friend
Now what kind of friendship are we talking about? Well, the one who is really not present in your day to day life but was formerly a best friend of yours. You both were so close but just went from being best friends to just friends somehow. It may be due to the reasons that you work in different fields or run in different circles or he/she moved away and didn’t maintain contact as much.
You still feel bad about you two getting separated but all your efforts to meet up or stay in contact seem to just not work. Every time you chat or talk you often seem to end the conversation saying, ‘We’ll meet for lunch sometime in the next weekend’. But the weekend never seems to come. This is the reason enough for you to reconsider the friendship.
Is It Worth The Effort?
It’s your take on this friendship that decides whether you want it or not. If you really do miss the person and really want to make up for the missed years together then go for it. Plan a lunch and make sure you actually show up.
If you feel like there’s no more friendship left and you both are just acquaintances then leave it just like that. If by chance you run into him or her, just be natural and talk with them and finish the conversation in a pleasant way, like for instance, ‘It was great seeing you’ That’s it. No mention of lunch and no canceling of plans. Why pretend that you actually want to meet up when you really don’t want to?
If there ever comes a time that they run into you and they ask you for lunch then go for it if you are free. There’s no harm in that but don’t spend your days feeling obligated to work out your friendship when it is actually going nowhere.
The Taker And/Or Abuser
By abuse, I don’t just mean to say physical abuse but physical, emotional and even sexual abuse. You don’t have to put up with any of it. You might have not actually realized that you are being abused. A simple way to express this kind of friend would be ‘Narcissist’. He/she is pretty much focused on themselves. They put themselves above everyone. They won’t even feel an ounce of remorse for badmouthing you, ignoring you, belittling you or even going behind your back. They are manipulative. They use you as per their own wishes.
This person can also be called as a taker. He/she will constantly take from you and know no bounds because it is just their way of life. They do not see par their own needs. And what’s worse is that you seem to be willingly and generously giving him/her your all and make excuses for him/her which often starts this way- ‘Oh, he/she’s been like that from the time I have known him, it’s cool, I don’t mind’ Well, you should because when you are with him/her your own needs vanish from the equation and you seem to think that it is all about his/her needs. But you do feel it somewhere that you are not valued, you are just trying to act like it doesn’t affect you.
Is It Worth Reviving?
Now comes the big part where you actually have to face it for once and for all- Do you really want things to be the same? Do you want this person to take advantage of you like he/she’s been doing all along?
If you still want this person in your life then be honest with them about how you feel. See whether he/she realizes their mistake or not. Are they ready to change for you? In all honesty, you can’t really change a person until and unless they want to, of course. If you believe that he/she really wants to change then give it a go.
If you feel that things are not going to change and you do not really want to be taken advantage of any more then be blunt about it because that’s the only way. You might feel awful but it is for your own good. The person who really values you would really respect you and try to change for you.
You will receive backlash. This narcissist friend might berate you in front of others and belittle you and I think it is enough proof as to whether your friendship was real or not.
Ending friendships is not easy. It’s really hard and you are not going to return unscathed. This person might have stayed in your life for a long time and you might have shared a lot of memories but some things are not meant to be forever. The good thing is you no longer have to beat yourself up over wrong friendships and don’t have to feel exhausted. Be friends with people who validate you and value you for who you are.