No parent would encourage their child to be a bully. No parent likes to hear complaints about their child. It is painful for them to hear issues against their child. You might be a good parent and you might never encourage bullying, but sometimes, your most common actions and interactions might have led them to be a bully. Even though you have always been a caring parent your child has turned out to be a bully. You don’t want to accept it when someone else complains about it to you but somewhere in your heart, you have known it all along. You are just wondering where you went wrong.
The pushy attitude of your child, the resentful looks and the arrogant nature of your child has made you wonder whether you have been raising a bully. Admit it that this question has certainly risen in your mind. But have you ever taken a moment to actually sit and think about it? You may have just left it thinking that it is just a bad phase and it will pass soon. Have you been ignorant about the signs? Here are a few signs that may point out the reasons your child turned out to be a bully even though you have been trying to raise a kind child.
Over-Scheduling The Kid’s Day
It is a huge flaw in the parents today. They want their kids to be an all-rounder. Well, of course, nothing wrong in that. But what’s wrong is the way the parents push their children these days. The child gets no free time. Parents join up their kids for several classes and camps even in holidays. Kids barely spend time playing outdoor games just for fun sake these days.
Parents are becoming pushy and they want their child to join karate, dance, painting, music classes and so much more. But have you ever cared about what your kid likes? You are increasing the stress on your child by wanting him/ her to be as skilled as the next child. You feel your kid will be left behind if he/ she doesn’t participate in everything but you are wrong. Kids need free, leisure time too just like you. If they have a passion for something then, by all means, allow them but don’t push them just because some other kid is doing it. This way you are encouraging your child to be stressed and pushy. They turn out to be a bully due to it.
No Positive Displays Of Affection
When was the last time you said, ‘I love you’ to your kid or your partner? You take care of your parents, kids, and family. But have you ever verbally expressed your love to your loved ones? You may think that expressing it is not necessary as your loved ones already know you love them but you are quite wrong. You need to express love. When you fail to display affection towards your partner or your family, your child picks it up. They inculcate the same in their life. This is, of course, the consequence of your upbringing, which encouraged your child to be a bully. Show your kid that you care. An occasional forehead kiss or hug can make them feel loved. Don’t let the love vanish between your families.
All parents, in fact, all humans have this habit of gossiping about others in front of their kids. Don’t you realize that kids easily grasp things, especially those which you don’t want them to? Shut off your inner gossip queen when you are within an earshot of your kid because you don’t want your child to be a mean girl. Bitching about others and downsizing them right in their face in front your kids is bullying, indirect bullying of course. Stop passing catty comments on your friend whom you despise because all of it is having an effect on your kid too. You are encouraging them to be a bully. After being a gossip queen yourself, you can’t expect your child to be a kind one. Making someone feel inferior isn’t a good feeling, is it? Then stop trying to make others feel that way. Your child will learn from you. Want your child to be a good girl? Then act like one as simple as that.
Simply Waiting And Watching Others Bullying Someone
You become a part of the crime when you just wait and watch the crime happen in front of you even though you could prevent it. Same way when you see bullying and you know you can prevent it and you don’t do it but rather watch it on the sidelines, you become a peer to bullying. When you watch and laugh at the thing you should rather be taking action against, your child learns it. Don’t complain when your child turns out to be a bully because he/ she has learned it from you. Take into account your actions and reactions because your child is going to learn from you itself.
The ‘I Hate My…’ Kind Of Attitude
The way you view your life has a huge impact on your kid. It changes the way they perceive the world. When you hate your job or something about life don’t whine about it in front of your kids. Don’t keep on complaining about how your life is not what you wanted. When you keep on complaining and act all helpless about your own life your children feel powerless. They try to find the power somewhere else which leads to their bullying behavior. Don’t go on complaining about what kind of kid you expected and such things, it may also encourage bullying behavior in your child. Save your kid from this kind of attitude and let them be kids.
Enforcing Rules On Kids
Try to enforce as fewer rules on your kids as possible. When you try to discipline your kid and bind them in rules they’ll try to seek more freedom away from you. Give them independence to make their own choices. It isn’t that you shouldn’t lay rules at all. Lay the ground rules but don’t try to lay too many rules, don’t bind them. In fact, you will not have much energy to deal with all the rule breaking and temper tantrums after your long day of work. Let them makes their choices and have a sense of freedom so that they don’t feel stressed or powerless which in turn will not make them feel the need to bully.
These are certain ways you are unknowingly encouraging your child to be a bully. It is necessary for a parent to look after what’s been going on their kid’s life. You have to identify if the child is being bullied or is a bully himself. You have to ensure it both physically and mentally because bullying doesn’t just mean physical harm but verbal abuse as well. You have to stay connected to your child. Don’t get too busy with your routine because it might cause loneliness in them. This loneliness can also push your kids in a wrong way. You know your kid way better then anyone else and if your child is a bully then you have already seen the signs of it but you chose to be ignorant about it. Don’t be ignorant. Care for your kid and raise a caring kid. Be a role model to your kid, be what you want your kid to be.