Hardcore intimidation and criticism does not always fetch obedience, but often causes your children to grow up as rebels rather than into responsible and confident human beings. Understanding the psychology of our children and training them accordingly with love and tenderness but a firm stance is what is required.
ALLOW THEM A CONCESSIONAL TIME
Understand that children can at times become rebellious. Which is why, constantly nagging them to listen to you could in fact backfire. Instead you should allow them some space to understand their errors and realise the drawbacks of their behaviour on their own after being told once, so that they don’t get defensive and fail to realise their mistakes, as a result of continuous pestering.
Also it is better not to subject them to the consequence of the breach of a rule, right after the rule is broken but after a reasonable passage of time when your kid may not rebel as much because the defence mechanism would have decreased or died down by then, making it easier to have them obey.
PLAY THE ROLE OF A GOOD TEACHER
A good teacher lays a great impact on both the heart and mind of a child. We mould our children as they grow up and it is for us parents to form the proper guidelines, maintaining which our children will ripen. Have expectations from them, judge them on how well they fair but let them know that it is okay to fail and that they shouldn’t give up, nevertheless. Encourage them to follow the path in which their interests lie and where you know they will prosper.
Every child is different and has differing potentials; hence never compare your children to others, instead cultivate their potentials and critique them only on the basis of their own past and present behaviour. Create a loving bond where they will obey you because they will respect you for understanding them.
FORM STRICT RULES
Parents must incorporate the rules that they set for their children in their own lives as well, to set an example for the children to follow. The rules must be decided on in the presence of all the members of the family and has to be agreed upon likewise by each adult member of the family. For instance there could be a rule where everyone in the family must get to the dining table at a specific time, for dinner.
If the adults live by the rule then the children too will automatically internalise them. So you must stick to your own word if you want your kids to listen to you and obey you.
SET UP CONSEQUENCES FOR BREACH OF RULES
While the setting of rules is important there should also be apt consequences for the breach of these rules. The consequences too are to be decided on by both the parents and the children too could add in. The getting together of the family to decide on important matters and including the children in itself makes the children feel responsible, having been an important part in the decision making process of the family.
Fixing rules and consequences is also vital not only because it sets guidelines that the children and the adults are to live by but it eliminates any sort of negation between parents while trying to sort out issues with regards to the child, so that the issue remains unsettled, the attention having been diverted to the power struggle between the mother and the father. It becomes simpler to get your child to obey when they know that the mother and father are on the same page.
TRY THE COUNTDOWN METHOD
This is a simple yet a very effectual tool in getting your kids to obey. What this method suggests is you hold up your fingers and count from 1 to 3 or so, with a stern look in your eyes, staring right into your child’s eyes, waiting for them to mend whatever he or she might have done wrong. It creates a kind of urgency for them to obey, fearing drastic consequences.
However, in case they do not, let them face the music. There must be consequences following disobedience and such that they think twice before making the same mistake in future, fearing the similar consequence. For instance, if they are rude to an older person and are told to say sorry but they don’t, you could forbid them from going out to play cricket for the next two days, or confiscate their favourite toys or games.
LET THE MATTER PASS
It could get frustrating for both you and your children provided you constantly nag them regarding a particular behaviour. Once the consequence is given, let the matter pass. Do not bring the past behaviours up in future to criticise or judge them. It can lay a negative impact on your child’s mind, affecting their self confidence and morale.
Let’s take the same example of your child having been impolite to an elder, as in the previous point, after which they have faced a suitable consequence which they are likely to remember before committing the same blunder in future; nonetheless if on any instance you are upset by any of your child’s behaviour, make sure you address that very point which has upset you instead of going back and bringing up past behaviours, cornering them and telling them how bad a person they are – this could deeply affect your child’s self esteem, and is one of the few things you should never tell your kids.
BE WILLING TO MAKE REPARATIONS
Just as we as parents feel happy to have fetched a heartfelt sorry from our children, our children too, feel the same way, if we make it up to them with kindness after for being rude or harsh on them earlier. Parents could tell their children how anger can force people to do and say certain things that they don’t really mean and which is why the children should not stay upset with how they were spoken to by their parents during moments of anger. Make them understand that they were wrong and they had to be told to do the right thing but your are not happy about the way you had to speak to your child and remind them that you love them no matter what. All you want is for them to be a good human being because it makes you happy and satisfied as a parent.
BE EMPATHETIC AND LOVEABLE
The last but not the least most efficient tool to get your children to obey you is by being empathetic towards them. Try to understand them by placing yourself in their shoes. Be a friend to them so that they can trust you, share with you and as a consequence of sharing a comfortable relation, respect you enough to obey you. They will acknowledge your effort in always trying to understand them and seeing things in their way. Feeling loved boosts their self worth and spirits which will make them want to be better because they will want to live up to the expectations of the parents who apparently trusts and loves them so much.
Children must feel loved and understood at the tender age that they exist in. They must understand that parents aren’t their enemies but their only well wishers. As parents gaining your child’s trust is essential in order to get them to obey. Creating a loving relationship between parent and kid will help bring positivity, security and confidence in your child.