Often people who come across abuse victims and their advice to them is to ‘move on’ in their life and that ‘the life would get better’. But does it ever for an abuse survivor? Is it that easy? Things are always easier said than done. Most of the abuse survivors go through trauma, which the world is unaware of. Truth is he/she just can’t get over it when even little things trigger them. Emotionally the scars are hard to heal. Doctors and other people can advise them many things but for the actual victim, it takes a lot more than just mere words to heal from inside.
For an abuse survivor, the journey to healing needs them to revolutionize their thinking about their whole life and relations. They need a lot of motivation to look at life with a newer light. It requires a lot of strength, we know, but don’t be too hard on yourself. It is definitely be going to be difficult and you might find yourself surrounded by loneliness but you are not, you just don’t see the support you have.
Below are a few life truths an abuse survivor should learn to incorporate into their life for a better life
This Is Not The End And There’s Still Hope For A Good Life
First and foremost thing you need to do is to tell yourself that this isn’t the end of your life. A life after abuse is still possible for an abuse survivor. After facing such a trauma you might not have even an ounce of hope but look at life from a different point of view maybe you’ll find the light you have been searching for. You might still be suffering from the flashbacks, panic attacks and other such symptoms due to the abuse. The healing process does take time and the scars will most probably be with you all through your life. Never think of yourself as ‘scarred’ and ‘damaged’ goods because you are not. You are a survivor and that’s a great thing because you survived such a thing in your life.
You Don’t Owe An Explanation To Anyone As To Why You Didn’t Leave Right Away
It is not easy to survive abuse and no one would intentionally stay to go through all of it. There might be several reasons which the survivor wouldn’t want to speak about it. People will poke into your story and push you and ask you questions as to why you didn’t leave right away. But it is you who has to remind yourself that you don’t owe an explanation to anyone about this. Someone else’s invalidation should not take away the feelings you experienced after and at the time of abuse because they didn’t feel it, you did. No one has the right to demand that from you.
You Were Not At Fault
The society might point their fingers at you and blame you for not leaving earlier. The pain and abuse inflicted by the abuser was not something under your control. The abuser might have verbally assaulted you saying you deserve it and at that time you might have accepted the abuse because you thought you are the one at fault. But remember, it was not your fault regardless of what the abuser, society and your close ones say. No one deserves to be harmed by another person. Don’t let the judgmental looks and talks get to you, just know that it was never your fault.
Most of the abuse survivors self-blame after they get out of the abuse. You blame yourself for getting into such relationship or letting such thing happen to you. But you are the only one who knows how much difficult it was actually for you to go through it. You have to forgive yourself albeit there’s nothing that you have to forgive yourself for because it was abuser’s fault, not yours. Negativity won’t get you anywhere. Don’t judge yourself and don’t let others judge you. Be gentle with yourself. Self-care is important because it is what will get you out of the trauma.
You Deserve Much More
The abusers often are known to verbally abuse the victims among other things. You might also have gone through this. Your abuser might have said a lot of things and also mentioned that you deserve it, but know that no one deserves it. You deserve much more than what your abuser did to you. You might be flawed but for once look around yourself -who is perfect? No one is. Everyone has their own flaws and yet everyone has a healthy and lively relationship. You deserve something like that. You deserve to be treated with respect, care and love just like everyone else. Perhaps you already have other people like your friends and family who do treat you better, you just haven’t noticed it.
Nothing You Could Have Done Differently To Change The Abuser From Who He Is
Sometimes you might find yourself wondering and stressing as to why your love couldn’t change the abuser. You might have stayed with them thinking that one day the abuser will change for you. Now that you know just accept that nothing could have changed the abuser. The abuser was some deranged and disordered individual who was suffering from the disorder and some behavioral traits that made him feel entitled. Don’t put the blame on yourself. Always know that you tried everything you could and if it still wasn’t enough then it is not your fault.
Your Relationship Was Not Waste But It Was An Experience
Sure, the relationship left a sour taste in your mouth, it left behind a mess within you. But amongst all of it, it also made you stronger. You are an abuse survivor. Now you know what people in this world are capable of, you know what are the signs of an abuser, you know not to waste your time on someone who is not worthy of your love. This relationship took a lot from you but it also made you realize when and where to draw the line. Don’t think of it as waste instead think of it as an experience for life.
Nobody Can Force You To Forgive The Abuser; It Is Your Personal Choice
You might have heard people saying that you won’t move on in your life until and unless you forgive the abuser. But ask yourself, do you really feel like forgiving him/her? Does forgiving them really bring you peace of mind? If it does only then forgive them. Don’t do it because you have to. You have gone through so much emotionally, physically or sexually too, due to which you might find it impossible for yourself to forgive the abuser. It is okay, no one says you have to.