Arranged marriages are common in India. Even if most people opt for free choice love marriages, the rate of arranged marriages is still prominent. Let’s not get into a debate of whether love marriage is better or the arranged marriage because that is an ongoing debate. To be frank Arranged marriage first meeting is kind of awkward. Like how can you suddenly start asking questions to some stranger? Well, arranged marriage scenarios are like that. There is going to be this nervousness that surrounds you as soon as you meet someone new, which is perfectly normal.
You might think that the first meeting in arranged marriages are like first dates. But unlike the first dates, these meetings are much more serious than the first dates. You can’t just be all chill and go with the flow here. You need some preparation. After all, you are going to be looking for a life partner who is going to spend their life with you, in your home, sharing your room and bed. You have to think about a lot of aspects here. Not only that you also have to be prepared to be scrutinized by the other family as well, that’s where all the nervousness kicks in.
Here are few steps or tips that will you prepare for this first meet and lessen the awkwardness
Well Prepared And Well Dressed
It is necessary for you to go well prepared. First, you have to know what kind of person you like or dislike but remember don’t judge a person totally on the basis of it. If the person whom you are going to meet has given you biodata then go through it once to know who you are actually going to meet. As this meet will be your first time seeing the potential wife/ husband make sure you dress up well because you have to make a good first impression. Regardless of what people say, first impressions leave a lasting impression on the minds of people.
You also have to make the mental note of possible questions you want to ask or know the answer for and also prepare the answers to the possible questions that might be asked to you.
Get Comfortable And Create A Comfortable Atmosphere
It is obvious that things are already going to be awkward, so try to get comfortable. Remember that both of you are nervous, why not ease the atmosphere a bit? Stay calm and give a smile. Try to create a comfortable atmosphere for both you so that you will be able to get to know each other better.
What to talk about in the first meeting?
Some tensions are always curled up if it’s an arranged marriage meeting and it’s perfectly normal. There are plentiful things about him that you need to know before getting hitched but all that cannot be summed up in the first meeting. Hence, it is very important that you are equipped with the right questions. Certain imperative matters must be discussed in the first meeting as they are life changing and will help you penetrate deeper into how he and his family functions.
For example, you must ask him if he has signed up for this because there is family pressure, discuss if he is okay with a nuclear family setup or he likes the joint family system, talk about religious beliefs if it matters but remember to be very sensitive if you have contradictory beliefs. Ask him about the restrictions in his family in regard to clothing, timings and even pets. Ensure that it is a dialogue between the two of you and not monologue.
What questions to ask?
Yeah, you want answers to a lot of questions you may have but you just can’t start the conversation with heavy loaded questions. Don’t scare away your potential partner. You wouldn’t want to answer big questions at the start, would you? Same way let the person get comfortable. So start with simple questions. It might seem lame but weather and traffic are really good conversation starters. You can even start with the questions regarding their birthplace or education.
Don’t Fire The Questions Like You Are In A Job Interview
You are meeting to choose your life partner, true, but don’t treat him/ her like a candidate who has come to fill in the vacancy. It is not a job interview. Try not to scare away the person by firing questions. Instead, treat it as a first date. Stay prim and poised as you would on a date but don’t be all stiff and rigid. Try to bring in a bit humor so that you can put the other person at ease. [Read: 6 Ways to spend quality time with your family]
How to impress a boy in first meeting for marriage?
Guys love confident women. It is rightly said that ‘with confidence you can win the world’. The key secrets to impress a boy are small but have a huge impact on them. For example- stand tall and make eye contact. Your first hello should be a firm shake hand. Firm shake hands are a sign of strength and assuredness which is why you must have one, ladies! Even if you are slightly nervous, don’t make it obvious with a slouchy body language. Your talks and your actions should leave an impression that you respect yourself and embrace your imperfections. All your efforts will become futile if you do not maintain your hygiene, so take care of that. Smell good, trim your nails, chew some mint, wash your hair and dress up well. Most important of all, be yourself.
Make sure your answers don’t sound scripted
You may have prepared the answer to the common questions. But whenever you are asked the question don’t go on answering like a recorded mail machine. Try and make it as natural as possible. Don’t let the person think that you are trying to deceive them by giving a scripted answer.
Courtesy Is Important
Every single thing counts in the first meeting. You have to make a lasting impression and that’s why you can’t forget the general manners like drawing the chair for the lady while sitting, opening the door etc. Although don’t go overboard with it by trying to open the car door for her because you don’t want to come off as fake.
Use Your Observational Skills
By observation, I don’t mean staring. Be observant about their body language while they answer your questions. Sometimes you might see them panic at a certain question or you might find them fidgeting when they are uncomfortable.
Just Be Yourself
As mentioned earlier, you don’t want t come off as fake to your potential partner. In arranged marriages you do not know each other from before like in love marriage and this is your first time meeting them. It is human tendency to pretend all nice and pretentious. But it would be better to be courteous and natural just the way you are normally. Otherwise, your normal nature might come off as a surprise to your partner in future which might cause problems.
Meeting with parents: what to say and how to behave?
Arranged marriage first meetings are normally set by your parents. Arranged marriages is not just about two individuals, they are actually about two families. So it is kind of important to talk about families. It might as well make you more comfortable around each other because for once the topic off of you both. [Read: How to introduce your partner to your family?]
Know About His/Her Opinion About Marriage
As you are getting to know each other, it is also important to know each other’s view about marriage. You can start by telling why you agreed to meet with him/her. You can share your reasons for agreeing to arranged marriage. This is necessary because sometimes it so happens that the other person might be forced to meet with you. It does happen in arranged marriage.
Make A Mental Note Of The Answered Questions
You have already asked a few set of questions and you shouldn’t repeat them. So make a note of the questions you have already asked. Remember the answers he/she has given you because it might help you in deciding about the person.
It Is Your Future At Stake So Focus!
You are not out on a normal date with your girlfriend or boyfriend. You are out on the first date with your potential wife or husband. Don’t waste the time you have got together by idling around. Normally, these first meetings in arranged marriages are set in such places where you are either being watched or chaperoned by someone. Time is really precious to you here and you have to make use of it properly as this is the matter of your whole life.
Internally you might feel like you are appearing for an exam and you might feel the jitters due to nervousness. But don’t be mechanical. Be at ease. Don’t make the other person feel like you are just present physically and not mentally. Make it a point to smile at the right time. [Read: Want to keep that beautiful smile of yours forever?]
Don’t Pass Cheesy Comments
Sure, we did say that it is just like a date but there is a difference between first meeting and first date. So don’t get too much casual at this first meeting. It might give some different impression about you in the mind of another person. Be on a safer side by not passing remarks on certain sensitive topics. It might do more harm rather than impress the other person.
Know Your Boundaries
It is good to get comfortable with each other but first meeting is too early to get too close to each other. Maintain composure on your actions and mannerisms. Know when to stop because the other person might feel as if it is too soon and get some other impression about you.
Don’t Delve Into The Matters Pertaining To ‘Sex’
It is quite astonishing that some people think it is right to ask or talk about these things in the first meet. You might have been quite transparent about each other’s past relationships but that doesn’t mean you can get into questions regarding sex. It is big No. This is arranged marriage first meeting and you certainly don’t want to give the impression that you are only interested in sex. It is quite unsettling for the person to answer. You can raise this question in future dates but certainly not on the first meet.
Ask About The Next Meeting
If you both are impressed with each other then you will definitely want to meet once again. If you are not impressed and you have already made your decision then don’t put forward this question. But if you are impressed then don’t wait for the other person to request the second meet. Ask the question yourself so that the other person might get the hint about your decision.
So people, here are the tips, what do you think? I hope these help you in the arranged marriage first meet. If you have any extra points to add then share them with us.