Growing up in a country like India where people still prefer an arranged marriage over a love marriage and where caste discrimination has been very prominent, convincing your parents for a love marriage in a different caste may be very very very tricky… But times are changing and even people are. People are adapting to moderate thinking and are opening up to the thought of inter caste marriage and love marriage as well. So let’s see what you can do to convince your parents for a love marriage in a different caste.
How to convince your parents for love marriage in a different caste without hurting them?
It is often seen that inter-caste love marriages are not much supported or you can as well say least supported by the society. So what may be the possible reasons for this?
Cultural and Caste Differences
The most common reasons for denial is a cultural difference. Cultures in India are quite diverse and people have a mindset. They are orthodox and marrying their children in the same caste, preferably in an arranged marriage is something ingrained in their brains.
People strive through their life to build a reputation and they feel like accepting for love marriage in different caste would affect their standing in the social circle badly.
Making the Right Choice
Some folks are open to inter-caste marriage as long as they are arranged marriages. They just feel like their children should marry as per their choice because they can make the right decision.
Here are a few tips and advice that can help you to convince your parents for a love marriage in different caste or an inter-caste marriage without hurting them.
Talk on the Right Time
Always talk when your parents are in a good mood. Don’t approach them when they are angry or irritated. Find the correct moment to talk to them. Also, don’t surprise them with such announcements. Ease it into conversations, don’t bring your partner directly and surprise them.
Talk with them when and how you fell in love with your partner. Tell them how happy you are. It is a possibility that you may face opposition as both of you are from a different caste.
Search for Examples
To be honest, love marriages in different caste or love marriages, in general, are rare but you’ll find one such pair in almost every family. Search for them and use them as an example to convince your parents.
Gain Support from Siblings, Cousins or Relatives
All of us have one such sibling or cousin who is really close and whom your parents absolutely love. Taking their support will make things easier for you and as they belong to the same generation they’ll understand things better.
You can also take the support of married cousins as their thoughts hold relatively more weight in terms of maturity and marriage.
Request your Parents to Meet your Partner at Least Once
If we think from the parent’s point of view, they find it hard to accept someone from different culture and caste altogether which is understandable, owing to the social background we live in. Just ask your parents to meet your partner at least once before deciding.
Find out the Concern of your Parents
Your parents may have various reasons why they disagree with love marriage in a different caste. Most of them may be due to social standing, unpleasant reactions from other family members, relatives, and society. Don’t get angry and yell at them for their reasons. Be prepared with the counter answers for their concerns.
Keep Away from the Relatives who are Against Inter-Caste Marriages
You may already know the relatives who are culturally biased so try and keep your parents away from them because they can cause a huge damage and influence your parents’ decisions.
Get one Parent on your Side
You have almost got the approval if you can convince and get one parent on your side. They will help you in convincing the other parent. However, don’t try to create a rift between them due to this.
Turn Down the Suggestions of Meeting Someone Else
Don’t lead your parents on by agreeing to give someone else a chance when you know you are going to end up saying no to the person. Your parents will try everything to make you give up on your love so don’t agree with it.
Sacrifice and Compromise are a Part of Marriage
You parents may also point out that love marriage in different caste brings along a lot of challenges. Explain it to your parents that you are prepared to face the challenges. Tell them that you know both of you will have to make a lot of sacrifices and compromises and you are prepared for it.
Don’t Plead, Beg or Pressurize
Never pressurize them to agree to your marriage by taking rash decisions or threatening them because they are looking out for you. And honestly, convincing parents for inter-caste love marriage is a time-consuming process. But stay calm and convince them because after all, they are your parents. Don’t tell them that you’ll elope or something like that because it will make you look immature and hurt them.
Tell them their blessing is as important as your partner and it is not a choice, you need to have both in your life.
How to convince your parents for love marriage in the same caste?
It takes a little effort and courage on your part to convince the parents for love marriage. You can’t just go with the flow, you have to go prepared. It would be better if you take the support of life lessons and real incidents to actually convince your parents. Here are a few things you can do.
Don’t give them surprises. Don’t bring your girlfriend to a family dinner setting and announce the news that you want to marry her. Your parents might somehow feel you have broken promises and disappointed them. Even if the girl belongs to the same caste, don’t spring
this on them in front of everyone. A personal setting would be better.
Try Learning from your Friends or Family
Trust me, you won’t be the first person who would be opting for a love marriage. You’ll definitely find some friends or family members who have had a love marriage. Learn from them about how they convinced their parents.
Find an Ally or a Middleman
It would be a good thing to seek advice and support from someone who can stand by your side and try convincing your parents. As both of you belong to the same caste, you can easily find someone who knows your family and your girlfriend’s family as well. As it is someone whom your family already knows, there is a possibility that your parents might agree if the person tries to convince your parents about your partner and their family.
Use Objections to your Own Advantage
Most of the times, people or parents, more specifically do not agree for love marriages because
of cultural differences or social standing. As both of you already belong to the same culture and caste, you can definitely use this to your advantage. If your parents bring up the point of social standing then explain it to them that it doesn’t really matter.