We have this particular need to be liked by everyone around us and for that purpose, we do all kinds of things for people. This need eventually starts to make us feel like we lack something. It starts to feel like nothing is in our control and we become a doormat. In order to be liked by people, we tend to let go of our own opinions, choices and even needs. The more this goes on, the more you feel like you are not in control. But that is what the problem is. Everything is right with you albeit the fact that you let people walk all over you and end up feeling like a doormat, needed by everyone appreciated by none!
Frustrated, disappointed and exhausted? If this is what you feel like right now then it’s time you take the charge of your own life and start setting boundaries. Start having a happier life just like others do. Treat yourself with respect and grow a spine. So what exactly does being a doormat mean?
Hoping That Someone Will Respond To Your Act Of Kindness
When you go on doing nice things for people hoping that they’ll return the same act of kindness to you-you are not only being a doormat but also manipulative. Agreed that there should be give and take in any relationship but giving so much with the expectation that the other person should return certain things is not okay.
No Appreciation Whatsoever
When the people you are ready to do much for, turn a blind eye on all the sacrifices and things you have done for them then you are being treated as a doormat. It is so obvious that you are not being appreciated for anything you do. Be honest with yourself they are not going to reciprocate it ever.
They Contact You Only When Needed
Apparently, for some people, you exist only when they need you. This is a huge sign that you are not important. You are definitely being used. They won’t even contact you when you are ill but they expect you to care for them when they are ill.
Deep Down You Feel Lonely And Isolated
The fact that you are not acknowledged hits you deeper than you show. You feel really bad for yourself and feel helpless. You feel like no one cares enough.
These are all the signs that show that you are being treated like a doormat. If you don’t want to feel like this any more than take the following steps to feel more in control of your life
Change Has To Start With Yourself
When you think that people treat you like a doormat know that it is because you are letting them to treat you in such way. Be honest with yourself and you’ll realize that you are also at fault here. You have to treat yourself with respect and ultimately people will start respecting you too. Care for yourself, your mind body and soul because no one else can do it better than you. Nourish your body with care. Give yourself credit for all the achievements you have earned. Dial-up yourself worth because that’s when people will see your worth.
Explore What You Like
You have been so into pleasing people and being in their good books that you forgot yourself. You have to explore what you like, when you feel good, what makes you happy etc. Why will people ever think about giving anything to you if you never ask for it? When you yourself do not know what makes you happy then how will people know? You need to tell others and in fact ask for what makes you happy because until and unless you do so, you are not going to get anything.
Identify Your Dislike
Know for a fact that if you do not know what you like then it is obvious that you are oblivious about dislikes too. You need a wakeup call. You have to be aware of your own likes and dislikes too. You have to know where to draw the line. You need to know how far is too far. If people ask you to do something which doesn’t settle well with you then deny doing it. Learn to say no for your own good. From now on remember that you don’t owe anything to anyone and that’s why you don’t have to do things that do not please you.
Be Blunt And Straightforward If You Have To
Sometimes people just can’t seem to take the hint. Since you have been doing what others wanted you to they’ll never take the hint even if it is clear as crystal. Don’t let someone walk all over you. You might have done that before and you might want to even now, but don’t. If your friend doesn’t understand in a subtle way then speak it out directly to them.
Sometimes people don’t do it deliberately. They just do not know how to take the hint. This happens a lot of times with men. Many times they do not understand the cues and you have to spell it out to them.
Say ‘No’ To Bad Behavior From People And Disconnect From Them
You might have been okay with it for all these days but now enough is enough. You have to stop people when they disrespect you. If they don’t then stop hanging out with them. It is better for you to cut off such people from your life. Don’t take crap from people. Don’t retaliate just cut them off. If they value you they’ll apologize and respect you and change their behavior. But if they don’t then they’ll leave. Don’t feel bad because they didn’t even think before abandoning you but instead feel proud that you stood up for yourself.
Raise Your Expectations
When you are a people pleaser you always keep people’s expectations above yours. So basically you keep your expectations low. You are allowing people to use you and pretending not to have any expectations from them in return. Accepting bad treatment from people has a long run effect on you. Stop putting up with others and their expectations. Instead, raise your expectations and only expect what you want to happen and not what you don’t want to happen.
Stop Overloading Your Life
Don’t stress yourself over what others demand off you. Do it only if you can and not because you have to in order to get appreciation from someone else, which by the way is never going to happen. You try to please someone so that the other person shouldn’t be disappointed with you. If you had same commitment for yourself then by now you would have some real friends. Commit to things which please you and no more.
Learn to take control of your life and you will be a lot happier when you do.