A lot can be said about a man who ghosts a woman who loves her. Trust me, none of what is said holds him in a high regard. The worst kinds of betrayals are ones that have no explanation. If your guy just up and left one day, you know what I am talking about. But that is not where it ends. One day, he decides to show up out of the blue, the same way he left. Like a Ghost. But don’t be fooled by what he says because things cannot be the way they were just like that. Wondering what to do when he reappears after disappearing? I have some advice to share with you that will give you just what you need.
Why Do Guys Disappear?
Any man worth your attention and time would never desert you without a proper explanation. If he ghosts you then either he has something to hide or he has a problem with commitment. One of the reasons for his disappearance could be that he’s multi-dating. There are other women in his life who he needs to keep under the illusion of his love. I had a friend whose boyfriend never came to see her even when she knew he had the time. To her great disappointment, she found out on Facebook that he was double dating.
Another reason could be that you are not his highest priority. I don’t believe that you and your beau need to be joined at the hip all the time. But in every relationship, a certain level of priority needs to be given to your partner. If he doesn’t consider you worthy of that, then he will disappear without giving any excuse. Commitment phobic men act in this manner too. If he is one of these then you better stay away. He also has a high risk of cheating on you. Better to be single than in a relationship that’s hanging by a strand.
He could be doing it for an ulterior motive. This might sound going a little too far but do take this into consideration. Some men date certain women to fulfill a bet or something nastier than that. I know a guy who dated a girl on a bet with his friends and then ghosted her after 4 weeks. Or probably he’s just not that into you. If he comes back then he’ll do it because he couldn’t find anyone else. Never entertain a man like that.
What Do You Want?
Back in High School, a dear friend of mine started dating this guy from another city. After 6 months of dating, he one day simply disappeared from the face of this earth. All number blocked, profiles hidden. Gone, completely. 3 months later, after my friend had gotten from worrying about his safety to realizing she had been ghosted, he decided to show up. With some lame excuses for going through a rough patch in his life, he proposed that they get back together. Driven by notions of love and residual feelings for him, my friend decided to give him another chance, despite our warnings and pleas. Just as we had predicted, he left 4 months later.
My friend’s fault was that she projected her desires on this guy who didn’t fit the mold. Thus, it is important for you to know what it is that you want from your relationship. Then ask yourself, can he give you the relationship that you want? If he can, then there is no harm in giving him another chance. But be very sure about the answer to this question. Think objectively and not emotionally.
Another important factor is trust. Can you trust him again? It shouldn’t be easy trusting this guy again. However, genuine his reasons might be for ghosting you, remember that no one is out of the purview of lying. Finally, ask yourself, are you giving him another chance for fear of not finding love? This fear of loneliness and the burden of our insecurities gets the best of us. Know that there are billions of men out there. Don’t waste your time and try to find someone else.
What to Say When He Reappears?
What you need to figure out next is what to say when he reappears. Words often seem to fail us when we find ourselves in a fix. But you need to know exactly what is going to help you establish your stand in this situation. Don’t show excitement at the prospect of talking to him again. Knowing that you were missing him will only help strengthen his case. An unenthusiastic “Hi!” will help you more than a formal greeting. Want to get back at him?
Then we can turn this up a notch and go with something like, “you are still alive?”. This cold-blooded response is sure to jerk him off his feet. Certainly, if he’s back he felt like you would want him back in your life. This helps strongly establish that you weren’t looking forward to it, with a lot of sass. The key here is to let him know that if he thinks he can walk back in and expect things to be normal, then he has been underestimating you. Cut him off in the middle of his explanations. Tell him you have some errands to run and leave the conversation there.
Don’t say that you’ll talk later. It’s also possible that he’ll try small talk before jumping to the explanations. No matter what you do, don’t let him get the idea that life isn’t good for you. Speak highly of all you are doing in life. Let him know that his absence has only made things better for you. The slightest hint of sadness will make him latch on to it. Under no circumstance, be in attendance of his pity party. He is sure to give you heart-breaking excuses for disappearing. If you feel like concern should be shown out of humanity, do so in the most formal way possible.
He Reappeared! Now What?
If he was a part of your social circle, it is inevitable that you will see him again. So, before you decide on giving him a second chance, you should know all the possible reasons for his disappearance. When you run into him, don’t initiate a conversation. Let him do the work there. By starting a conversation, you are making it easier for him.
Try to stay away from the topic of his disappearance. By not talking about it you show him that you weren’t affected by what he did. Meaning, he wasn’t important enough for you to worry about him in the first place. Should he bring it up himself, don’t show that you were affected by being ghosted. This furthers your point of not giving two cents of importance to him.
Chances are that he won’t be begging for your forgiveness. If he doesn’t ask for forgiveness, don’t hand it to him. Men like this feel entitled to your attention. Thus, they don’t even realize that what they did to you was wrong. Never forgive him if he hasn’t asked for your forgiveness. You don’t necessarily have to be mean to him if you don’t want to be. But if you make it seem like things are just the way they left them, that will give him leverage.
If you are past all that happened and want to give it a fresh start, then set boundaries. Don’t leave things hanging or open to interpretation. Be clear about what you want from any association with him from that point onwards.