“My husband doesn’t love me anymore” is one of the saddest things for a woman to say. Often, we don’t even understand what went wrong in our marriage. However, more often than not, couples stop focusing on their marriage. They get so busy in their roles as parents, breadwinners, etc., that they forget that their marriage is the foundation on which all these roles are built. If you find yourself in this situation, where you feel your marriage is failing, you are not alone. A lot of women like you have been through the same. But they were able to save their marriage through help from other women and by not losing hope. In this blog, I will try to share some advice that will help you get a start on this journey. But I also advise that you seek marriage counselling. Marriage takes work. Lots of it!
Signs Your Husband is Falling Out of Love with You
Often times we misunderstand the signs. Sometimes we don’t read on the red alerts. So, it is important to know if your husband is really falling out of love or if you are reading the signs wrong. One of these signs is that he asks for a lot of space. It is one thing if he is under a lot of work pressure. You will know whether that is the case or not if he is tired a lot. But if he is trying to get out of things to do with you, you have cause to worry.
Have your interests and needs taken a back seat? If he’s getting irritated every time you request him to do something, that’s a red alert. Of course, love doesn’t stay as passionate when you have been married for a long time. but it is one thing to not want to do something because you are not in the mood. And another to get angry at being asked to do something. If he’s looking at your relationship in a negative light, you need to be worried. You will find him saying things that show he is giving up on your marriage. “Is this all worth it?” is a common statement.
And the way you resolve conflicts has also changed. When people fall out of love their conflict resolution weakens. You would often feel like he isn’t even trying to understand you, he just wants to fight and vent. And another very important sign is your change of behaviour around him. Do you feel like you always have to be extra careful around him? Are you always worried about upsetting him? Then that shows that his changed behaviour has started to affect your attitude towards him too.
How can I make my husband love me again?
If you are convinced that your marriage needs saving, here’s what you can do. Start by talking about the problem. There is no better way to address an issue than discussing it. Sometimes just opening up a conversation can help bring out a lot of solutions. Try to love him unconditionally. Don’t let your love be dependent on how he behaves towards you. If you show him that you still love him, despite how he behaves, he will realise what he will lose if you are not around.
However, unconditional love doesn’t mean taking the abuse of any form. Stand up to that and leave your husband if he subjects you to abuse. Identify other problem areas in how you deal with him. It is possible that he doesn’t feel respected any more. Respect him the way you want him to respect you. Ask for his input on matters. Let him handle things that he would like to do. Appreciate what he does for the family. A lot of men fall out of love when they don’t feel respected.
Another thing that all men want is validation. They like to be praised for what they do. While the feminist in you might not want to give them this kind of validation, know that he would do the same for you if he ever truly loved you. Tell him how much you appreciate his role in your life. It is easy to see the fault in others, but it takes a lot of work to see where we fall behind.
Another thing you can do to save your marriage is introspection. There might be things that you are doing wrong which has pushed him away. This is not to say that it is all your fault. But it takes two to tango. Finally, have the patience to let these efforts bear fruit. He won’t fall in love with you again overnight. In the meantime, you can seek professional help. But none of it would help if you aren’t patient.
How do I know if my husband is cheating?
One of the many things that tear a marriage apart is an affair. While it is wrong to jump to conclusions right away. You need to be aware of what’s happening. If he isn’t responding to your efforts at all, despite you giving it a lot of time, then you have to look into the possibility of an extra-marital affair. Here are some signs that will help you tell. Has he started working on his appearance but it is clear that it has nothing to do with you? You then have reason to be suspicious about what has caused him to bring this change. Maybe he is just trying to work through some personal image issues. But do keep this sign in mind.
Does he guard his phone with his life? Cheaters get extra careful about their phone and computer usage. They have something to hide and won’t let anyone find it out. If he has suddenly grown overly possessive of his tech, you need to confront him. So, this next one is not a very threatening sign. It can also be seen as another red alert for him falling out of love. It isn’t necessarily cheating if he doesn’t respond to your calls and texts for a long time. But if you have started to see the other signs, then you might want to verify the excuses he offers you.
Has your sex life changed too? This too is not a very convincing sign. When people start falling out of love, their sex life suffers too. But if the sex has suddenly increased, without the same connection, then he could be trying to put you off his scent. Same can be said for a decrease in sex. Have his friends started to act weird around you? If he’s cheating on you, chances are his friends already know. At least the closest of them do. If you feel like they are awkward around you, they might have something to say. Try to confront the friend who seems to be acting the strangest.
How do you know when your marriage is really over?
It is hard to let go of the person you once loved. But sometimes you have to keep your own happiness above everything else. If you feel like you have done everything that was possible. And he still doesn’t respond to your love, then you might want to consider ending things for good. Don’t know if you have actually gotten there yet? Here are some questions you should consider. Has the bad started to outweigh the good? We fight for our marriage because we are trying to save something good. But if the toxicity of the falling out has started to affect you and everything good about the marriage, then you need to move on.
Are you thinking about a life with your spouse? If you are then you might want to assess how you feel about this marriage. What are you trying to protect if you are looking at a radically different life? Are you feeling an emotional disconnect? Your husband is supposed to be your biggest confidant. If you find yourself hiding your emotions from him, then that is not healthy. Even worse is if it feels like telling him is not even necessary. Like I said earlier, it takes two to tango. Does it feel like you are the only one trying to save the marriage? Marriage is between two people and only one person cannot save it. If he isn’t interested in the effort, then there’s nothing more that you can do. Be brave and do what is right!