How Soon Is Too Soon For Sex? A Dilemma In Arrange Marriage Setting

Some of you out there might argue that it doesn’t matter and sex has got to do nothing with the fact whether you are having an arranged marriage or love marriage. But I would say it depends on the couple. Not all of us have the same outlook on things and all of us have different opinions about sex for the first time or sex in general. There are people out there who strictly are old school even today, who believe it as lovemaking and have been saving their virginity until marriage.

How Soon Is Too Soon For Sex? A Dilemma In Arrange Marriage Setting

Let’s just put it this way that there are few people who aren’t just comfortable to have sex on their first night or in their engagement period. Few people believe that first, they need to establish a bond, a trust between them before going for sex. In love marriage, you have chosen each other because you already love each other and have known each other for some time so it is obvious that couples in love marriages are already quite comfortable with each other and that’s why maybe they don’t face this dilemma. But in an arrange marriage setting you are complete strangers, it takes quite a while to get to know each other. Sometimes you just don’t get time because things are so pre-planned that maybe you just didn’t get so much time to spend with each other. Well if you ask someone what is the right time for sex in arrange marriage, you won’t get the desired answer because it is different for everyone.

Girls, sometimes feel pressurized to get intimate on the first night of the wedding. Some folks might advise you ‘to go for it’ while some of them might tell you ‘to give it time’. And honestly, you shouldn’t feel so. It is your choice. If you are okay with it then go for it, if not say it to your partner. Are you one of those who are in this dilemma as well? Do you feel it is too soon even though you feel ready for it? You may get intimate with your partner soon after the wedding, even though it was arranged marriage, nothing wrong with it either. We have conjured up a few tips that might help you with the dilemma.


Avoid Getting Physical On The Wedding Night

When you are in dilemma about it and when you are questioning about sex it means you are not ready for sex yet. When you are head over heels for someone and are ready to get intimate then you won’t have this dilemma. In arrange marriage it is often from expected from the newlyweds to have sex and the family even sets up a honeymoon suite or decorates the room for it. But it is most unlikely to happen for most of the couples because they are too tired for it anyway. Some avoid it because they have a lot figuring out when it comes to intimacy. It is okay if you want to explore emotionally first and then go for physical intimacy because when you are actually in love with the person you won’t be able to keep your hands to yourself.


Emotional Bonding

You will want to know each other’s highs and lows, ups and downs and each other fully before anything else and that is actually great. You have to actually fall in love first. Emotional bonding will increase your desire for each other. You’ll get to know about this when you have sex. Physical intimacy in arrange marriage often comes later after emotional bonding, in fact, it is so in love marriages as well. Love happens naturally and you don’t have to force feelings. It might take time and you may not realize it but you will slowly start feeling things for your partner.


Prepare Yourself

I know this is not an exam which you have to go through, so what exactly you have to be prepared for? It is necessary to be mentally prepared because you don’t want to feel confused when the situation comes up. Preparing yourself mentally means accepting that you have started to trust him, knowing that you love him and that you are ready to take things to next level. Opening to someone at an intimate level is hard for few people; it may be due to insecurities or shyness. You have to feel that you are ready. You’ll know it when you want to take the next step.


Don’t Force Intimacy On Your Partner

How Soon Is Too Soon For Sex? A Dilemma In Arrange Marriage Setting

Although you are ready to take the next step, is your partner ready too? Once you get comfortable in his company, you may start to feel playful and naughty whenever you see him. The desire might flare inside you. You may already be ready for next step but you have to make sure it is the same for him/ her. You can take the first step and try kissing him and if he still feels awkward to get intimate then you need to give him some space and time. Physical Intimacy, whether in arrange marriage or love marriage, should always be on mutual consent. Be patient with him or her and let them know you more. Respect for each other’s feeling and choices are utmost necessary.


If You Don’t Feel Like It, Don’t Hesitate To Say It

The situation might be reversed too. He might feel ready but you might still not have reached that stage of comfortability with him. He might hint this to you, directly or indirectly. But if you are not up to it then don’t hesitate to let him know. Don’t force yourself into intimacy just because you don’t want to hurt his feelings. He’ll understand. Make sure you communicate what exactly you feel about it with him, don’t maintain silence about it. And when you are ready, drop subtle hints about it because he may not initiate the next time as you had asked him to give you time.


When Opportunity Knocks Your Door, Don’t Let It Slide

Now that you both are ready, you’ll start getting naughty with each other. You both might get cozy, which may lead to foreplay. If you feel you are ready for it and if things are getting pretty heated then don’t let the opportunity slide by. Don’t think that this should be properly planned. No, physical intimacy happens when you are actually in the mood and can’t be pre-decided, at least the first time. If the things feel right then just go for it.


Don’t Just Have Sex, Make Love

Don’t just go for it. Indulge in foreplay; explore each other’s body and then go for the whole deed. Don’t just go straight for sex. Appreciate and tell them what you like about them. Know what they like and what turns them on even more while doing it. Make this a lifelong memorable experience for both of you in a good way. Honestly, you will automatically care about what they like and what they don’t because you love them. Your heart will soar when they feel satisfied. It will make you feel happy and accomplished.

Be it arrange marriage or love marriage, respect, mutual consent, care, passion, and comfort for are necessary for sex to have a good and satisfied married life. What kickstarts intimacy, particularly physical intimacy differs from couple to couple but what matters is that it is equally fulfilling to both of you and that both of you consent to it.

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Anisha is an aspiring writer. She's a graduate in BBM. An ambivert by nature, she is very fond of reading sappy romantic novels, passionate about singing, cooking and dancing, holds a keen interest in learning new things and wanderlust.