What do 40 year old men want in bed?

Our needs and preferences change over time. I mean think about it? Do you feel the same about relationships that you did ten years ago? Same goes for sex. What we like and dislike in bed keeps changing as we add more decades on us. If you are dating a man in his 40s, he will need different things than a man in his 20s or 30s. Many marriages come to a sad standstill when sexual understanding is lost. What you need is to know what your man’s needs are now. To help you with that, here are a few tips to help you understand what do older guys like in bed?

40 year old men in bed

What Do 40-Year-Old Men Want in a Woman?

Sex can only happen when there is an attraction. So, what you need to figure out first is how to be the woman of his dreams. Here are a few things that will help you get there. This is the point where you firmly stand on having long-term relationships. So, they look for women that are loving and caring. After all, those are the things that last, right? He needs to know that the woman that he is with has the capacity to stand by him to the very end. They value intelligence more than younger men do. He knows that his partner in love will be a partner in life. So, he needs someone whose ability and intelligence he can depend on.

Happiness and positivity are the goals when you get to your 40s. So, naturally, they want women that make them happy and keep them positive. They are past the point where they find drama passion inducing. It is just a waste of energy and not what they want to surround themselves with. And most importantly, they want women that are fun and honest. A lot of us let go of everything that makes us who we are the moment we cross the 40s threshold. Somehow, we believe that everything fun about us needs to stay in our 20s. Maybe that is what has made your marriage so boring. Liven up again!

How to Turn On an Older Man in Bed?

Now that he has started to show interest, we move to the next part. It isn’t as easy to turn on an older man. You see, so much is going on in their life that they don’t think about sex as much as they did when young. But that is not to say that sex has lost its importance for them. So, you’ll have to turn him on by setting the mood. Try playing some sexy music when you are in the mood. Turn the lights down. Light some candles maybe. Trust your instinct and make it work. You will have to lead him on through texts. Send flirty and sexy texts and sit back to see the magic. This will help get his mind to you and sex.

The anticipation it will create will itself work as foreplay. You can even try watching erotic movies together. Erotic porn works for everyone. What do you think 50 shades owes all of its success too? Do you think the concept got people’s attention? The erotica did. Let him know how sexually appealing you find him. A lot of the sexual relationship with this man has to do with knowing you want him. Boosting his confidence is a big contributor here. So, don’t shy away from letting your feelings be known.

Now that we have figured all of this out, let’s move on to what you need to do in bed. Here are some tips on what older guys want in bed!

Make Sure You are Confident

 sex with older men

 They like women who know what they are doing. You should be confident about your body, your sexuality, and yourself. You don’t just have to do things because he wants to. You should know what you want and don’t want. More importantly, be confident about communicating these things to him. You see, that helps in building stronger relationships. Like I said before, that is what he wants in the long run.

Don’t Keep Experimentation Out of the Equation

A lot of women think that men in their 40s are set in their ways. Well, that is probably why your relationships with them are not working out. They might not be as carefree as when they were 20. But that does not mean they aren’t open to new, exciting things. So, try to experiment in the bed. Look up new things and tell him about them. Your enthusiasm to bring something new to the sex life will turn him on.

Invest in Lingerie

Sex with older men has a lot to do with conveying your interest in them. Spending on lingerie will help you convey how much you want him. Not only does it help make you look sexier, but it also turns him on too. This also conveys that you are willing to make things steamy. Also, no one can deny that sexy lingerie is the first step to a wonderful time in the bed.

Intimacy is of Great Importance

Sex is no longer just about the physical pleasure for them. Men in their 40s get to the point where they truly start to appreciate the sexual union. So, if you are someone who just likes to do it and be done, he’s out. You need to develop intimacy. Cuddling, foreplay, pillow talk, everything is on the table. Being mysterious is attractive to men of all ages. But don’t force it to a point where he feels a disconnect from you. Just connect to him on a level higher than sex before getting to sex.

Maturity is of Value

sex with old men 

 Yes, he doesn’t want to be made to feel old. But he doesn’t want to be dealing with a kid either. What a lot of women get wrong is that they start acting immature to attract their men. He doesn’t want that. In fact, if there’s one thing men in their 40s are glad for, it is the end of immaturity. So, be an adult and act like one. Take things seriously. Work on the issues that you might have. Don’t create drama for the slightest of reasons. And make sure this maturity seeps into your sexual relationship as well.

Don’t Forget to Shower Appreciation

Again, now that he is above simple physical pleasure, he needs more than just sex. He needs to know that you enjoyed it as much as he did. So, don’t shy away from letting him know how you felt about the experience. While showering praise obviously helps. Don’t refrain from sharing healthy and nicely put criticism. Don’t be harsh or that might backfire. But if you had a great time, then make sure you tell him that too.


All in all, it is more about developing the right kind of relationship. Men this age don’t usually go for a no-strings-attached relationship. Because they are looking for something meaningful and long-term. If you are facing compatibility issues in your marriage then try these things out. If you still see problems then get an appointment with a marriage counselor. But if you are there for your man, he will be there for you.

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Inspired by the Harry Potter movies, Anmol started writing short stories at the age of 7 (which were as good as they could be). Now 21, and pursuing a Bachelors in Business Administration, she has started writing blogs mostly on pop culture and issues that affect the masses. A feminist to the core, she hopes to work for the United Nations some day on their Women Empowerment projects.