Starting a family altogether can be difficult, considering the amount of effort that each of the person willing to start it has to put in to make things work. However starting a family with a person who couldn’t make it work in the first instance (a divorcee) could be rather challenging
…But there are ways to counter the obstacles that may come about, provided you are willing to face the difficulties that may arise:
BE PREPARED FOR EMOTIONAL BREAK-DOWNS AND LEARN TO BE AN EMOTIONAL SUPPORT
A divorcee’s emotional intensity will depend completely upon the span of time that has gone by between the divorce and the coming together of you both. There is a healing process that will be required, from the mental disturbance that he has been through. The lesser the time span between his divorce and the coming together of you both, the more the tendency will be for him to recline on you emotionally. Try and be supportive of him in times like these, when he needs you the most. He might sometimes talk about his ex relationship or his ex wife, sharing with you his pain of not being able to make things work out the way he had wished to. Be a friend to him and help him through his dire memories.
HELP HIM ADOPT NEW HABITS AND REPLACE UNPLEASANT MEMORIES
Help him get through unpleasant memories of the past. Acquaint him with your ways of life. Win him over with your positives. You may be a great cook or a wonderful home-maker, a great singer or an avid writer; any which of the qualities you can use to impress him and overwhelm him with. Let him feel the pleasure of having you in his life. Make life beautiful for him and he will be grateful to you for being a part it. Help him start afresh.
MAINTAIN A VERY DIPLOMATIC RELATION WITH HIS CHILDREN
A divorcee’s children will indefinitely be his weakness and he loves them to the T, often to an extent where your relationship with him might define itself by how his children take to it. So it is generally better to not immediately meet his children provided they have been closer to their mother because then chances are high that they will resent you. Get to know and understand the children first from your man so that you get a vague idea of how to approach them when you do meet.
BE ACCEPTING OF HIS INTERACTION WITH HIS EX WIFE
This is absolutely imperative given the fact that they are both sharing responsibilities as parents and even if your man doesn’t have children there might be other important matters of concern which he needs to discuss with his ex, such as completion of various formalities relating to property, separation, society, etc. Also often times ex married couples will maintain a cordial relationship with each other post divorce. As long as the interaction stays at a distant but cordial level, you shouldn’t have anything to fear about.
KNOW THAT HIS CHILDREN WILL COME BEFORE YOU
You can’t expect him to spend each weekend with you in privacy. You must learn to compromise and share his time and company, with his children, because if you can’t accept this, you will only hurt yourself. Instead be content knowing the fact that the man you are fond of is a good man who loves and knows how to look after his family. He may be a divorcee but he has had a family once, the traces of which he can’t completely wipe out from his life. Learn to accept it and give it its due respect while you carry on with your life with him which will base itself on a new ground and promise newer possibilities.
No matter what you want to pursue always remember to go ahead with a good and strong intent. Be confident about what you want and what you are doing. As long as you know yourself you’ll know what is good for you and how far you can go to fetch it.