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BEARING THE BOYFRIEND VIOLENCE? NOT A GOOD IDEA!
We all are certain of what follows the end of the honeymoon period in a relationship. The red roses start fading and the real colors slowly starts showing effect. This is not something new and we all are aware of it as every relationship goes through its trials and tribulations and that’s what probably makes it real.
But we often hear from our colleagues or friends that their relationships have started taking abnormal terms. Things start getting abnormal when one participant starts dominating the other. Actions and reactions start getting non-standard and unfavorable most of the times. This eventually leads to the formation of fear and this fear then leads to undesirable compromises for the sake of staying with that person.
Please take note that dominating relationships mostly leads to abusive relationships. It is very important to identify the signs and gear yourselves to freedom. There are many signs of an abusive relationship. The most effective sign is fear of your partner. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner—constantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow-up—chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive.
There are many other signs to it but the simplest way in which it can be identified is by taking an insight into your own thoughts and feelings for him. If you feel emotionally numb and helpless and feel afraid of your partner losing his temper and mistreating you — then there is no doubt that your relationship isn’t healthy and approving. It is understandable and relatable also to know that in the beginning of a relationship he was a real charmer and his rebellious and possessive nature was exciting and made you weak in your knees but that is not always an advantageous characteristic. Over the time these attributes can lead to an obsession which is the worst fear of a girl — as then it would undoubtedly lead to instability and humiliation, also constant threats of suicide and destruction.
The abusive relationships can be of different types such as physical, sexual and emotional. If he attacks you — you face the beatings quite regularly and have become habitual to it also, then it is time for a wakeup call. Any situation in which you are forced to participate in unwanted or unsafe or degrading sexual activity is sexual abuse. The emotional abuse is a bigger problem —the aim of emotional abuse is to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence.
If you think this is bizarre, then yes it is. If you think you are the only one going through it, then no you aren’t — there are thousands. If you think there is no way out— then yes there is always a way out. And if you think that just because you love him you are obliged to stay with him — then you are fooling yourself.
If anyone is facing the above kinds of relationship then the need of the hour is to keep aside all the feelings and emotions and walk out of the relationship immediately. After an incident, if he comes back to you with remorse and promises you for betterment and changes, that is not going to happen. He might not hurt you temporarily but once back to his own conscience; he will do what his habits compel him to do. It is a cycle which goes like this
Repeating again, there is no compulsion or necessity for anyone to stay in any kind of abusive relationship. If you can feel the signs and relate then you must take actions against it. It is important to get your power back and not keep your self-worth at pity. Be clear and honest with yourself first, then your partner. If your relationship is not in a very gross situation but is minutely affected by similar signs, then make sure you set limits on his criticism and emotional outbursts. Contrarily if your relationship is uncivilized and doesn’t give you good vibes about who you are….. Time to walk out!
Ashwathi is an enthusiastic traveller and dancer with a passion for movies and music. Hailing from an Army background, she considers herself fortunate enough to have experienced the diverse cultures that India boasts of. She is a graduate in Journalism and Mass Communications and has worked in print, radio and television.