I received your letter yesterday. After reading it several times, I couldn’t combat my urge to write back to you and pour all my feelings on this blank sheet of paper. Words can do wonders. Your letter left me in astonishment, in shame and guilt.
Where do I begin?
When I walked away, I was sure you would materialize behind me and cradle me in your strong arms. I was so certain; that I never looked back. I continued with my wretched days and waited everyday for you to show up. When you failed to meet my expectations, I cried in horror of losing you forever, I cried because it was the best way I could shed my pain. Your absence intensified my rage and agony. I couldn’t gather my understanding and I didn’t know what to do. My ego did not allow me to prowl back in your life. So just like you, I waited.
I was broken for never did I fall in love ever so badly. I gave all my self to you and what did you make of our love? A living catastrophe! Didn’t you, for just once, think of trying to come back? Were you so ready to let me go? Why Arthur? If you loved me honestly, you would have taken efforts.
I remember all those times. When nothing remains, you feed on memories and that’s how I sustained. I thought about them every day. I felt I could never be happy once again. Happiness was a thing of the past. I also reminisced the plans we made for our marriage. The venue we chose, the people we would invite, the arrangements we would make and the clothes we would wear. However, on introspection, I could not summon the courage to realize those plans were just in my mind and they would remain to be my dream..
With a heavy heart and a tear-struck face, I have to tell you that I moved on. Life played a trick on me and brought Rob to my life. I needed support and comfort. Rob gave me all that. I can never love him as much as I love you, dear Arthur but I cannot cheat him either. I did not tell him about you, or as you wrote, about the man I once knew.
Yesterday, when I wailed in grief, Rob asked me what was wrong. I couldn’t adhere to his question because I was mad at you. He read your letter and boof! My little secret was out. My mysterious lover was now in the open. He understood, Arthur. He understood all about it but he did not question my honesty. He did not stick claims on me that I cheated him. Being a gentleman, he simply bade me farewell and promised to be there whenever I needed him. I pleaded him to stay, I begged and I cried. But he knew better.
Doesn’t that make me the most cruel woman on this land? Didn’t I break two hearts, all the while breaking my own? But am I really wrong in loving you so much? Love is sick, love is insane, an addictive disease that leaves you broken. Yet it is a drug that can beat any pain in the world. Love makes you do things unimaginable. Poor Rob! I hope he forgives me and I hope you forgive me for my birdbrain!
I’m coming, Arthur. Let’s forgive and forget the days we were apart. It’s time beat down your disease. It’s time to be happy.