How to talk about your past relationships with your partner?

Past relationships have significant effect on our current ones. In fact, they shape a huge part of your personality because you learn from your shortcomings or mistakes and try and make changes keeping your current partner at the receiving end. Your partner might just want to know about it or you may choose to be clear about it right at the onset of your relationship or some time later.

 

However, this can be a very messed up topic. Initially when you start talking, you might either sound funny or serious but if you don’t maintain the balance in between, you can turn off your partner in seconds which may reflect on the way your relationship with him will move forward. Either of you may not want to dig into the details of what went wrong or how it was with that person. However, sheer inquisitiveness may drive your partner to ask you about your past. Here are a few things that you should tell him when you are faced with such a situation.

 

 

Why should you refrain from sharing?

 

In case, this relationship you are in is brand new, be even more careful. You may not know when you cross his moral threshold. I understand that everyone is a hypocrite these days. We make the same mistakes but we expect our partners to be clean. Just so that you avoid all the heartache associated with sharing your past details, you should hide or may be lie about things when necessary. We could never guarantee how long our past relationships would last. This is why we gave it our all. If you try and come out clean, you might feel relieved that you were honest. But at what cost? Are you sure whatever you did will be universally acceptable? How many relationships are you ready to put at stake just to seek acceptance for your past mistakes or experiences? It isn’t feasible.

 

 

Don’t dig into the matter:

 How to talk about your past relationships with your partner?

I am not asking you to lie. But sometimes it’s better to keep a few things hidden. After all, we are human and we don’t process things we don’t approve of well. You don’t need to mention those nicknames that you gave each other. Keep your secrets to yourself! Don’t guide him into the gory details of what you have done before you met him.

 

Also, if you have been in casual relationships too, avoid that. That’s a dangerous zone you are heading to. He may not really like the idea of you casually hopping into the bed with someone. Stay out of that topic. No matter how understanding he is. He will not take this information and let it out. This might bother him to various degrees.

 

 

Don’t compare your partners in the process:

 

Don’t compare your past relationships with your present one. This is a stupid blunder you will make. If your partner wants to know if your exes were better at doing things or better at handling you, just avoid giving any credits to your them here. I might sound dishonest right now. But I am only speaking from experience.

 

You always should attach more credits and importance to you current relationship. If your past was so great, you wouldn’t have ended with your current partner today. So, lie if you have to because his happiness should mean the most to you right now. Comparisons only breed resentment. So give it a pass. Your current partner is your present and might as well be your future too!

 

 

Don’t give out sexual details

How to talk about your past relationships with your partner?

This is an inherent trait in all of us. Nobody wants to know the details of what you did in the bedroom with your ex. Don’t try and be a saint here. This will never do you good. I am sure your present sex life will spoil because your partner will always feel threatened and might even use that information against you.

 

You don’t need to tell him your sexual adventures or how wild it was or how horny you were with your ex. And if at all your present partner is of the kind who literally worships virgins, then your relationship is doomed if you share anything about sex. Stick your lips here.

 

Your past will seldom do you good unless you have learnt the lessons and let it go. So, put more efforts in making your current relationship better. There is no point talking about things that have no relevance now. In case, you feel like you need to share a particular piece of information which has had a huge effect on you and which your partner deserves to know, you could make the move to share it with him. However, this will be completely at your own risk. I suggest, focus on the now and let go of the past.