A toxic relationship can be very draining. The worst you find yourself making excuses and lying not just to others but also to yourself that everything is fine and you don’t need to make changes. The signs of abuse and disrespect may be obvious with all the evidences right in front of you. However, you still waste your time and energy convincing yourself he is the only one for you.
We keep ourselves hooked on to that vicious cycle despite being told that this relationship is not going the healthy way. Breakups are never easy. In order to save ourselves the heartache we choose to prolong our sufferings in the hope that everything will fall into place at the right time. If you don’t really find things right despite giving all your efforts too many times, it is probably time that you should reconsider staying in this black hole. Here are a few lies that you have told yourself to avoid that breakup:
“I will change him soon”
This is perhaps the best lie you tell yourself repeatedly. Every time you have tried doing this and failed but you still cling on to the unfounded hope of being successful in the future. You have to accept people as they are. They won’t change just because you want them to. You can change just a few things that don’t really mean changing the way he is in the core. You can make him help you doing the dishes or taking him out shopping with you. But you cannot change his belief system. You were wrong in the first place trying to accept a person in your life who clearly did not end up meeting your basic criteria. You were either seeking for an end to your loneliness or had the blind hope of being the problem solver everywhere. [Read: 5 Laws of karma that can change your life!]
“But he is a great human being!”
Someone can be a saint but not necessarily a great partner. Just because he is nice to everyone around him, that is no justification that you are supposed to stay with him. Be honest with yourself and ask if he truly makes the effort to make you happy. He might love being a messiah to the world but are you equally inclined giving up on your own happiness? You might be the softer person in the relationship trying to take refuge in the fact that he is a great human being but be kinder to yourself first. If his humanity doesn’t ignite the passion in the relationship what is the point when you could have someone better who would truly value your needs?
“I can never have someone better”
When you tell this lie to yourself, you start devaluing yourself. There are too many people that you are going to meet. Some will stay with you, some won’t. There is no reason to believe that he is the only one on earth who can keep you happy, when you clearly know that he is making no effort at all. You might just be happy being in the illusionary state of having someone physically present with you. But your emotional lack is not being fulfilled in this relationship. You don’t necessarily have to end up in an average relationship just because you fear being in failed relationships forever. You should be happy no matter what. So, go look for that person who is waiting to give that all to you rather than settling for mediocrity. [Read: 16 Habits of happy independent women that are worth learning!]
“I can’t handle loneliness”
This is not just a lie is but a terrible excuse not to look for something more promising in life. Of course you might find yourself lonely and too sad to get out of your room. But that’s okay. You will emerge out better as a person. Give yourself the chance to learn. Staying single is not that bad. There are too many things you could keep yourself occupied with. In fact you could use this time to do things that your partner has always withheld you from doing. SO, use this opportunity, stare at the stranger. You never know you might have a flaming connection in the most unexpected places. [Read: 5 Reasons why you should never make someone a priority]
“I should be happy with what I have”
We have all grown up being told that we should be happy with what we have and no demand too much. You should have the right to ask for what you need. You should be able to choose what suits you and reject what makes your unhappy. You can keep lying to yourself about your state of happiness but not for too long. If you have fancy demands especially unrealistic ones then that’s being too bossy, but if you only expect more care, love and honesty it is something very basic that needs to be a basic necessity and not a luxury in the relationship. Choose what you want and you think is best for you and not settle for something just because you have been asked to avoid being demanding.