Emotional availability is when a person is able to reach out to you and form a connection. An emotionally available person can open up to you and let you occupy a position in their heart. In the event of an unavailability, no matter how hard you try an emotionally unavailable person will close the door for you. As a result you will end up in a broken state not just by the loss that you suffer but also by a dip in your confidence for you will almost always keep blaming yourself for whatever went wrong. We end up believing that we have to “fix” things that went wrong. What needs to be understood here is that it is the emotionally unavailable person who needs the fixing and not someone who has been abandoned and broken. If you are an emotionally unavailable person, here are a few signs that prove you are emotionally unavailable:
You have always been a go-getter:
Ever since you have inculcated the belief that you can get whatever you want in life, you are driven all you energy into achieving your wants. Nothing seems impossible for you and you seem to be on a mission mode. Where you falter is in the emotional front. While everything that is physically exerting seems like an easy task, you seem to get blocked when it comes to opening up your heart. You emphasise on achieving all things and keep your interactions low-key. This is why you don’t understand emotions well and end up hurting anyone who expects an emotional connection with you.
You are in love with the idea of love
You are in your own fantasy land. You dive hard into any romantic proposal that comes up too soon without thinking much about what are the possible challenges that can come up in a relationship later. You like the thrill of the relationship initially. On the inside, you are scared, you know that you might end up getting hurt. While you are involved in the romance, in reality, you are only enjoying it as long as it is within the precincts of the fantasy that you have created. But as soon as unknown troubles show up, you are reminded of cruel the real world is, or how unlovable you are. Hence, you choose to stay as emotionally unavailable as possible so that you save yourself all the frequent heartbreaks.
You are overly passionate about your career
Your work is your life. You have certain goals that you wish to achieve and you choose to devote all your being to it. You feel like once you achieve those you will be capable to attracting the kind of partner that you want for yourself. Your feminist ideals makes you more zealous of the kind of position that you need to achieve in a man’s world and hence you are a tough nut that couldn’t care less about who or what comes along on your path to success. You have given up on the necessity of being emotionally available for you feel like you don’t need anyone to feel complete.
You have mastered to art of staying mysterious
People are almost immediately attracted to you because you have an aura of mystery which they find alluring. Once they get into a relationship with you, the “ugly” side of yours comes up. They end up spending a long time trying to disclose what you are trying hard to keep all to yourself. Even though you give your all expect those few secrets, problems begin to crop up for those very secrets. To hide those and to keep your guards up, you get involved in a circle of deceptive measures. These take the shape of lies and illegitimate actions that turns off your partner. Even if you might disregard those mysterious acts that you have indulged in to protect yourself and have an upper hand in the relationship, you have made yourself emotionally unavailable for intimacy.
You are too involved in perfecting your looks
You behave like a prize with anyone you go around with. You feel like they are with you for the way you look and so you spend all your time in keeping yourself in shape and looking perfect. While that is not a bad thing in totality, you just belittle yourself to something very superficial. Hence, your relationship lacks depth. Neither do you seek depth nor do you let the other person see anything beyond that physical self of yours. In the process, you hide your vulnerable self and you cannot come into terms with the very human and faulty characteristics of yours. This makes you lose emotional intimacy with your partner. Your relationships suffer from fulfilment because you don’t really care about giving yourself to anyone by forming deep connections of the heart.