7 Suggestions to Help You Stop Being Needy in a Relationship!

Would you ever describe yourself as needy, clingy or insecure? Or has anyone else ever hinted that you might be? Perhaps you have been on the receiving end of neediness from your partner… Either way, when one (or both) partner is needy it can be very detrimental to the relationship as neediness eventually tends to smother and choke the love that had been there in the beginning. If you are constantly craving attention, calling and texting all the time, your partner may well feel bombarded and start to withdraw. But there is hope – the fact that you are reading this article means that you may be looking for some tips on how to stop being needy in your relationship. So here are 7 helpful suggestions:



Know that you are lovable…

7 Suggestions to Help You Stop Being Needy in a Relationship!

The root cause of a lot of needy-type behaviors is often insecurity; that nagging feeling that maybe you’re not good enough, maybe they don’t really like you, and maybe they will decide to drop you sometime soon. All these gnawing fears may stem from unfortunate experiences in the past. Take a good look at what has happened to you in your lifetime so far and grieve the losses that you have been through. Don’t berate yourself for the hurts you have had to deal with – rather be understanding and give yourself time to heal. There may have been others in your life who did not value or appreciate you, but that does not mean you are not a valuable and lovable person.  Know that you are lovable and you are a person of great worth and value.


Get rid of your illusions…

When you find yourself in a close relationship with someone it is easy to get swept away with the giddiness of romantic emotions. The proverbial ‘rose-tinted spectacles’ can give you a distorted view of the world in which things appear different than they really are. Great expectations can lead to great disappointments when you realize that your beloved is only a human too. You are not perfect and neither is he or she. Realize that your partner has other commitments and priorities too, so if he can’t be with you 24/7 or respond to your texts within seconds, it does not mean you are not important and he doesn’t love you. Rather get rid of your illusions and fantasies and you will be able to appreciate the relationship that you do have.



Learn the rhythm of give and take…

7 Suggestions to Help You Stop Being Needy in a Relationship!


A healthy relationship is a balanced relationship. Imagine that you are playing a game of tennis – each of you hits the ball in turn. If you keep taking more and more balls and knocking them over to your partner’s side before he can even return the first ball, things will get out of hand and he may well start to feel overwhelmed. So when you send a text message, don’t send another (and another) until you get a response from the first one. Learn the gentle and patient rhythm of give and take and you will feel the cycle of neediness beginning to slow down and lose its grip on you.


Give each other space…

It’s not called ‘personal space’ for nothing… everyone needs a margin of time and space to recharge and keep their own equilibrium. If you are finding it hard to be separated from your beloved for even a few hours, then you may be headed down a slippery path. Rather make a concerted effort to focus on some activities of your own and give your partner a breathing space. Learn to enjoy your own company and do something for yourself that makes you happy. Then when you do get together again you will be all the more excited to see each other. After all, a wise person once said ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder.’


Cultivate some other friendships…

7 Suggestions to Help You Stop Being Needy in a Relationship!

You need more than just one friendship in your life so don’t cut off old friends who have been there for you in the past. Just because you have found the love-of-your-life, doesn’t mean you don’t needs other friends anymore. Enjoy the full range of personalities that will make your life rich and fulfilling. When you have more than one person supporting you in friendship it will help you to stop being needy and will put less pressure on your partner. Good friends can help you process what you are going through and get a more balanced perspective. So cultivate some other friendships and stop being needy in your relationship with your significant other.



Take up a new hobby…

7 Suggestions to Help You Stop Being Needy in a Relationship!

Besides cultivating other friendships, taking up a new hobby, or resurrecting an old hobby which you have let slip lately, can also help you a lot. Find something that boosts your self-esteem and gives you new skills and interests. Whether it is pilates or painting, playing the guitar, or knitting – do something that you enjoy passionately. And while you are keeping yourself occupied it will give your partner enough space to start missing you. It will also make you that much more interesting and fascinating if you have your own opinions, interests and hobbies.



Talk things over with a therapist or counselor…

If you have been struggling with neediness for a while and nothing seems to help, you may want to talk things over with a therapist or counselor. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Sometimes being needy and insecure comes as a result of deep seated hurts from your childhood and your family of origin. A professional like a psychologist would likely be able to help you accurately identify the root causes so that you know what you are up against and how to go about changing your outlook. Although it may be painful, you will no doubt find that the truth will set you free so that you can stop being needy in your relationships.

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Rachel Pace is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.