It’s easy. Reconsider your choice and widen your options! No, they aren’t the best option you have come across when what you receive from them is anything less than what you deserve. You only get the kind of treatment you accept – It’s an old saying but it still stands true. Hence:
How to deal with it when someone treats you like an option?
STAY STAUNCH IN DEMANDING BETTER
Don’t agree to the terms and conditions which do not tally with yours, posited by this person you’re apparently dating. There is no reason to or any question of compromising with your desires for somebody you barely know, and whom you’re seeing for your happiness. Asking for your happiness from yourself isn’t too much to ask and the person who you feel is treating you like an option must know that you hold worth and respect for yourself enough to do what satisfies not only them but you at the same time.
DO NOT QUESTION YOUR INTUITION
Your intuition more often than not speaks the truth. Don’t undermine your intuitions when they quietly crawl out of nowhere to whisper into your ears the truth you otherwise don’t want to see and are ignorant of. We can tell from the vibes we get from people, the body language, the countenance, the sound of their voice, everything somehow speaks to us and we have the innate capacity to analyse these aspects to our benefit.
Do not give them the benefit of doubt when your gut tells you that you’re being treating like an option instead of a priority. If you play a role in their lives, it must be an important role.
For instance, you can’t be replaced by somebody else for the movie that was planned with you. This doesn’t mean that nobody else can hold an importance in said person’s life more than you. It’s just that you must by yourself hold importance in such a way that your company and person hold exclusive value to them.
If you feel that you are being treated as an option, trust your instincts. You are worth better treatment so if you ever sense that you are being given any less than what you think you deserve then chances are, you ARE being given less – attention, time, respect, whatever be it.
DIMINISH THEIR IMPORTANCE IN YOUR LIFE
Quit thinking of this person as your next girlfriend/boyfriend and instead imagine them to be just another boy/girl in your life in order to offer to them the same treatment that they offer to you. Consider them as an option and not a priority. This will help you avoid the pining and also put you on a superior position at par with this person so that they know that you aren’t an easy catch.
This might not promise you a change in their behaviour but it should provide a boost to your ego and place you in a position where you’ll have the upper-hand because you can’t be ignored as you were never even asking for attention. This should just make you feel better about yourself and keep your respect intact before concerned person.
KEEP YOUR OPTIONS OPEN
You must hang around with other people and not depend on only one person’s company. Don’t rely on that one person to meet all your needs. Go out and get to know other people and give yourself a chance to spend time with them. You never know who’ll turn out to be fun and interesting and even somewhat calming to your already anxious mind from being made to feel like an option. Give new encounters a chance in your life. Draw your energy back from other intimacies and encounters. Who knows, one among the several encounters might just prove to be lucky for you.
Do whatever but don’t settle too early, especially after having your heart broken once before. Weigh your options by comparing one person to another. You shouldn’t have to defend somebody who has sporadic unpleasing approaches towards you because they are a good human being in general. Remember that nobody is a bad human being at the end of the day. What makes a difference is how that individual treats you on a day to day basis.
GIVE THEM AN ULTIMATUM
If what you want for them to do is to value you for who you are instead of remaining an option till eternity, then go ahead and clearly pronounce your concern out to them. There is nothing wrong in standing up for yourself and making your worth known. Be obvious about what you want and ask them whether they are comfortable with giving you exactly that. If they aren’t however, then tell them you can’t compromise because you are being deprived from what you need from the relationship. Maybe what the two of you are looking for is completely different and if that’s so, it’s best to part ways.
BE PREPARED FOR THE WORST
The chances of them suddenly realising how important you are and how they can’t let go of you will be dim. They are more likely to say something like “whatever makes you happy” or “whatever you want” after perhaps having tried to explain their position and in some instances they might not even bother explaining and simply agree.
So when you finally make the decision about giving them an ultimatum, make sure that you are prepared to
DON’T WORRY ABOUT GETTING A CLOSURE
…Have them suddenly pull a disappearing act on you. Those who aren’t serious about you and yet don’t want to hurt you or cause themselves disgrace might not confront you with the truth. So if that happens don’t sulk. Just understand that if there wasn’t any relationship at all then there isn’t a requirement for its closure at all.
PULL A DISAPPEARING ACT ON THEM
Give them the taste of their own medicine, when they try to defend themselves expressing their inability to understand what you mean and if they want to continue with the ‘relationship’ utilizing you like an option without paying heed to the concerns that you made evident then pull the disappearing act yourself. I mean what’s the point of sticking around somebody who can’t make sense of what you say?
LEARN YOUR LESSONS FROM IT
Don’t subject yourself to similar treatment henceforth. You don’t want to keep being an option in people’s lives. Stay aware right from the start so that you aren’t taken for granted. Restrict your availability to people in the beginning of any relationship. Avoid being too giving, compromising and soft-spoken. Voice your opinion, desires and have the strength to say ‘no’ when necessary.
MOVE ON AND DON’T LOOK BACK
Don’t regret taking a step in your favor. Move ahead and don’t look back. Being guilty of not giving it a shot, imagining that maybe it could have worked, is not the thought that should linger in your head. What’s meant to be as easy and free-flowing, doesn’t require much of an effort to stay put. Say hello to the new relationships that are awaiting your attention!
How have you dealt with when people treat you like an option instead of a priority? Share your devices with us here, to help our friends who have been subject to the same kind of treatment from somebody they have had and do have a soft corner for.