In any relationship, there needs to be a balance between the masculine and the feminine. Just like Yin and Yang, a disturbance of these forces can lead to a bad relationship. You don’t always need to be the submissive one. But there are some things that one needs to keep in mind in order to avoid unnecessary conflict in a relationship. While every relationship is unique, there are a few common themes in all. Based on these common themes, we recently held a poll, where we asked you “What does your man hate the most?” The results are in, and here is an exclusive peek into the mind of your man for you.
Insecurity Vs. Being Needy
You obviously know that he hates it when you are insecure or when you start expecting too much. While these are two different things, research shows that being needy is dependent on your insecurity. The level of insecurity might be low, but it is there when you start expecting too much from your partner.
There are two main reasons why these problems can arise. Number one is that you don’t love yourself. Because of this lack of self-love, you doubt his love for you as well. Thus, whenever you see someone who you consider better than yourself, you get insecure. This insecurity leads to “drama”. Something that guys can barely stand.
Number two is that you don’t trust your man enough. If this is based on some past record of theirs then you shouldn’t have gone into this relationship in the first place. However, if you did decide to give them a second chance, give it with full commitment. It is not wrong to keep an eye out for signs, but don’t let that overpower you and ruin your chance at something special.
Why, men? Why?
You might want to know, why men can’t deal with these things? The answer lies in their psychology. Let’s just say that they don’t have the capacity to deal with emotional situations like women do. Men are “result” oriented. Their sense of self or masculinity is defined by how good these results are. Sounds good, right? Wrong. What they skip out on is the process to get these results. So, while they want a strong and healthy relationship, they don’t want to go through the process of helping you out of your weaknesses. Some men do try, but if your man hates something, he doesn’t want to try.
Following this line of thought, when the women in their life are upset, they think of it as a personal failure. Because their sense of self is dependent on getting results, it hurts when the results aren’t good. This hurts their pride and ego, and so, their defenses start to kick in. or they will turn to something that gives the results that they desire, like work. When the defenses kick in, the pre-frontal cortex – the problem-solving part of the brain – literally shuts down. Thus, arises the “fight or flight” response. During this time, if you try to stop them to talk, they will fight back, for they feel cornered.
What to do?
The first thing to be done is to work on yourself. Learn to love yourself so that the problem of insecurity doesn’t arise. Know that if you are in a mature relationship, he is with you for a reason. There is a lot about you that he will not find in anyone else, as you feel for him. Next, live your life as an individual as well. Expecting too much is not only bad for your relationship, but you too. You need to have your own life as well, to maintain a happy existence. You cannot depend on your partner for everything good in your life. That will make you a parasite, and you sure don’t want to live that way.
But it isn’t all about you, is it? Your partner needs to grow a little too. The thing is, most men do these kinds of things unintentionally. Blame it on the way they are raised or their biology, they are not quite self-aware. So, rather than bringing up sensitive topics when you are both in emotional anguish, look for better opportunities. Also, frame your sentences well. Don’t put them in the “fight or flight” situation. Make your case in a way that makes them understand and comprehend your side of the story. Therein lies the challenge, and also, the secret to a successful relationship.