People tell themselves and even warn their partners of ultimate separation provided either of them is caught in the act of adultery. But cheating often happens in relationships and in marriages a lot more than one would desire for it to, which when does, does one realise how difficult it actually is to break up and move on.
So here are a few things that we must understand about cheating and infidelity in order to cope with it and stay healthy mentally when we decide to stick to the relationship or our marriage instead of walking out on it.
THERE ISN’T A UNIVERSAL DEFINITION FOR BETRAYAL
Different people interpret betrayal in different ways. For some it could mean full on sexual intimacy and for others it could define secrecy or emotional disloyalty, which may include late night conversations and frequent meetings with someone of the opposite gender that one has met recently, to an extent that it creates a sense of discomfort in one of the partners.
Hence when either of the partners in a relationship feel betrayed or cheated it is important for the other person involved in the relationship to drive out feelings of insecurity and hurt that has taken root in their hearts.
INFIDELITY DOESN’T POSE AS AN END TO A RELATIONSHIP
Research says that most marriages grow from having experienced infidelity. So infidelity doesn’t necessarily mean that the marriage is over, even though it is unhealthy for the relationship and does in fact pose as a threat to the faith that the two individuals have on one another, but it helps in revealing the various causes of distance that may have led to betrayal. Also sometimes after having an affair does one realise that they are really in love with their partners and the charm that was once lost is kindled again as a consequence of distance.
ALMOST ALL AFFAIRS END
A relationship with the person you’re cheating with may initially seem extremely hot happening and addictive, until you gradually discover the person more closely along with their flaws. When you do realise that every individual is like a package deal so that you agree to accept the deal knowing that it has its negatives along with the positives. This is when cheating partners decide to end the affair for the better because they realise that their spouse aren’t perfect either but they do have their positives which had been automatically taken for granted over time.
TEMPORARY INSANITY IS NORMAL RESPONSE
Current research reveals that betrayed spouses often exhibit symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. When you learn about your husband or wife’s infidelity, you begin to question your own worth which leads to self doubt and even depression. It is indeed close to a kind of a trauma that you go through when you fathom your loss, which is completely acceptable of you.
YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE TO HAVE FACED IT
The trauma that you in particular face can’t be compared to anybody else’s, at the point when you learn about your spouse’s betrayal. But it should feel a little better to know that cheating happens in relationships all the time and you aren’t alone. There are other people like you who have been through betrayal and have had to face similar trauma, and they have also successfully gotten over it.
IT IS HEALTHY TO SEEK HELP
Oftentimes one should consider seeking professional help, which will not only help one in realising the affinity of their condition and state of mind to other people nut also their inner strength to come out of this distressing state of mind. Don’t shy away from seeking help. But also keep in mind that it is very important to see a good therapist who will help in mending your marriage or your love relationship that has been subject to infidelity, by educating you in the right way, instead of quenching the little remaining hope that you have inside of you, of getting back.
HEALING WILL HAPPEN OVER TIME
It takes time for you to get over the fact of having been betrayed even after you make a conscious decision of sticking to your partner after they have been guilty and apologetic, also willing to make up. So don’t worry yourself if you haven’t been able to forget the event and moved on even after a year or more. The process of healing may take longer than what you thought it would, because it had laid such a deep impact on your mind. So you need to allow yourself enough time to be able to wholly give yourself to the one you love, just like before.
THERE WILL BE UNPREDICTABLE OUTBURSTS EVEN WHEN EVERYTHING SEEMS SETTLED
After having been subject to such immense psychological pain, the partner who has had been the victim to cheating will tend to be more sensitive than usual to any future setbacks. Thus even when things seem settled there might come about a dispute regarding something entirely different to the incident of infidelity, but it may cause similar stress, trauma and a feeling of hopelessness. However, what one must understand is that every setback is a bit different and that they must not give up too soon because even if by one scale, they have made progress towards the mending of the relationship.
DON’T SPURT IT OUT TO YOUR DEAR ONES TOO SOON
Have patience. Don’t spurt out the wrongdoings of your mate to the ones who care about you, too soon. There might be a chance that you both will get back together after having made amends. But often even if you succeed in forgiving your partner, your loved ones are unable to, so that even if there is a possibility for the development of a better relationship, it might by stalled because you will be constantly reminded of the fact that you don’t deserve to stay with a person who caused you to feel the way you have.
FORGIVE IN ORDER TO SECURE YOUR OWN MENTAL PEACE
Forgive not to rid the cheating partner off guilt or blame but to rid yourself off the feelings of hurt and pain. It isn’t possible to delete from one’s memory, incidents or occurrences in life, so that it becomes impossible for you to forget that you have been cheated on and you shouldn’t because one learns from their experience but don’t hold on to the bitterness and resentment. Accept it and move on to allow opportunities of happiness to enter your life, irrespective of whether you decide to stay with your partner or not.
Above are mentioned, few very important perceptions about cheating that one must understand, as betrayal may happen with anybody, and it is an absolutely uncalled for event. God forbid that you become subject to such an occurrence in life but if you do, remember to allow yourself some peace of mind and try to calm yourself down by accepting the incident, having forgiven your partner and moved on with the hope of a better future together; definitely having experienced a life changing occurrence. However, try to view the change as a change for the better.